Over at 15 Minute Lunch there is a regular spot about google searches. Obviously my blog is relatively new, and doesn’t have all that much content, or visitors….
Nevertheless, I like the idea of seeing what people are looking for when they stumble across my little entry into the blogosphere. So with that in mind I regularly review the search terms. Now most of them so far are pretty dull (even to me). People hit my page when searching about Germany, Lee Evans, laughing and for some reason I can’t quite figure out….Steve.
When all said and done, I am not entirely surprised these days to discover a large number of people getting here by searching for “Drunk”
However, a number of them concerned me slightly. I mean who is it that searches for this stuff? And should their nurse really not be monitoring their net useage closer? Anyway, in the true spirit of plagiarism, let me address some of the issues plaguing my visitors…
punishment for joyriding
Well, in all likelihood, you will be banned from driving. Obviously this is the best deterrent available known to the police force and lawmakers…
“You coming out car stealing tonight Jon?”
“Naah, I can’t. I’m banned innit”
an old film when a group of friends from a club sneak into there broth
This is a difficult one, but I am guessing it would National Lampoons Scottish Soup Vacation, where a group of friends….naah I can’t do it.
iv morphine drip theft
Are you a police officer searching the internet for patterns of theft that can be linked back to a potential subject? Maybe you are the thief that is looking for surefire ways to snaffle the “gear” without anyone noticing. Either way, think of the poor patient…it may be me, and I wouldn’t take too kindly to the removal of my wonder juice should I be in hospital at the time.
bar drinks served in drips syringe
I have known a few bars that server smaller measures than they are supposed to, but very few would be able to get away with serving drips. That said, I was given a shot of whiskey delivered by a (needleless) syringe a number of weeks back. The effect was not great, not least of all as I hate whiskey…personally I don’t see a future in it – Unless the syringe holds a liter of beer…maybe this exists already in some Medical Universitys Student Union bar.
i went over a red light at a pelican crossing how to know if there are cameras on it
Most people would have checked in their rearview mirror for the tell-tale flash. Speed cameras are not usually known for subtlety. Neither are traffic cameras, they are huge monstrosities…we could go for a predictive analysis based on the relative size of cameras in the area, along with examples of known camera based traffic light locations and work out an algorythm to determine optim……….screw it – Just remember the flashy light thing..
temperature in frankfurt on saturday 7th june
It was a beautifully sunny day, temperatures over 28 degrees with light showers in the late evening. I can’t quite imagine why you would want to know…person living in the USA. Could this be an internet stalker thing? Did you get told something by someone over here that you can’t quite trust? Was it me? I lie a lot…maybe.
wolfie ass traffic
I honestly don’t know what to say. I mean sure, there will probably be a punk band somewhere with this for a name, but what else could have caused this search? And why for the love of all things spangly would you visit a blog based on these search terms. I worry for you my friend, I am also concerned that there is a road somewhere full to bursting with fast moving pictures of my ass. I think I was just sick a little in my mouth…
honesty is the best policy speech
Now, I have had about 10 hits based on searches that are referring to this. I am seriously assuming that you would like to show a speech to someone to highlight how being honest is indeed the best policy. Clearly you wouldn’t be looking to nick ideas from people?? Wouldn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? Which is why I am glad that the 10 people searching, were clearly all of the mind to use what they found as an educational tool…giving full and frank credit to their source. And if any of you have used any of my stories in your speech…I want royalties :-)
buy strong german applekorn
Is there another kind? That said, as a pastime this comes highly recommended and trust me, if you get the Berentzen brand you can’t go wrong….you can go into a coma..but that isn’t the same as wrong ;-)
More to follow in about 6 months when the real weirdos will have had time to get to my site in bizarre ways.