As pointed out by a friend, one of the best things about summer is how the women over here have a penchant for the G-String and white trousers combo. There is little better than viewing women as nature intended…well, provided the old stories are wrong and it isn’t so much Mother Nature as Father.
Which brings me onto my issue. I am a cold weather person, if reincarnation is possible I will probably come back as a reptile. Let’s see:
Things I am:
A plus size guy
A human radiator (according to Sarah anyway)
Oh..and quite possibly the worlds whitest man.
Honestly, I burn at the thought of sunlight and heat makes everywhere seem like a sauna. Honestly, temperatures got up to 31 degrees last week and all I needed was some coals in the corner of my apartment and a bucket of water. It’s due to get hotter than that today. If only you could lose weight through sweat…I would be a rake by now.
Being the whitest man alive, you would think that I would be out semi-naked and covered in factor 250 suncream in a vain effort to gain some kind of colour. However, I live quite near the river Main here in Frankfurt and, being as white as I am, I tend to reflect. Christ, if I bend forward, the glint of my balding pate could cause some poor boat captain to lose control and careen out of control. I don’t want that on my conscience….do you?
That said, I could easily rent myself out to top sports teams….
Tennis players: Getting fed up of being aced out all the time?
Football teams: Heading towards a penalty shoot-out?
If you are in trouble, and noone else can help. Maybe you can call…. Rent a Glare
I think I may have stumbled onto a winning formula there. Think about it, I buy a shitload of Mr Sheen and polish cloths…shine ‘er up and head to the stadium. A cunning neck movement and *bang*…the opposition is blind. Night games wouldn’t cause any issues, those spotlights cast loads of light, and any accusations of impropriety and a search for mirrors would be in vain. I could just don a jaunty hat and walk away to collect my â??100,000 per match fee.
If only my printer wasn’t out of ink, I would already be drawing up the flyers.
“Look on the brightside….I have the head for it”