Alternative olympics?

Sorry about the last post being password protected anyone who might be reading this.   I needed to get some shit down and it’s particularly private.   I hope you understand.   Anyway, onto the random babblings…

Whistler's Olympic RingsWhen I am tired, I am known to ramble. People seem to find this quite amusing, although they could just be humouring the big, scary looking geezer…

I rarely remember these rambles, other than the general subject matter, but yesterdays ramble has stuck with me. I did a ridiculous amount of travelling at the weekend and am exceptionally tired, just to explain in some small way the dire nature of what I am about to vomit out here.

Basically, a few of us were stood at the smoking booth at work and all of us clicked our lighters in sync. Nothing strange there, until it was pointed out to us by a new arrival at the booth…this was amusing to this person and threw me straight into ramble territory. My ramble…as best I remember it:

“Ah yes well, we are in training for a new Olympic sport, the synchronised smoke. We hope to progress to more advanced and difficult 360 degree cough with a half wheeze..it’s difficult, but only the Swiss have managed it thus far, and as their smoking ban will hit soon, they will have difficulty in adjusting to having to practise outside. We are used to practising outside, so we should be ok…” and so on, and so on.

This got me thinking though, what with the Olympics just around the corner, what other “alternative” sports could there be for the unfit and non-dedicated. Things that require little or no effort and still allow you to achieve something. Let’s face it, in the current climate of non-competitive sports days at school, where everyone wins a prize…regardless of how they suck in actual competition, why not?

We could have “Remote control wrestling” – A mixed event where husbands and wives grapple in a ring that contains a TV, the remote (obviously), a 3-2-1 sofa setup and possibly a number of potted plants and possibly a small cat/dog. We could make it hardcore, anything goes rules too like in the WWE.

What about the “Change the cat litter dash (could also be the do the dishes, take the rubbish out dash) – where the first person to get successfully out of the front door of a mock house is the winner, leaving the loser to perform the chore.

Then there could be the “Get the key in the door challenge” – This would required the contestents to be drunk and the arena would need to be pitch black and recreating 4am. Bonus points would be awarded for opening and subsequently closing the door quietly and without waking up the sleeping referee within.

Crockery Discuss anyone? Where partner A launches various pots/pans and dinnerware at partner B (normally male), whilst screaming incoherently about how partner B never replaces the loo roll once it is finished. Points wouldn’t be awarded for distance, but for accuracy and damage dealt.

The Cat High Jump – Male event only – Participants would be made to step out of the shower whilst drying themselves off and deal with a playful kitty looking at the dangly bits.   Points awarded for height and damage avoidance.

I could go on….what would be your ideas for an alternative Olympics?

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