This report was submitted to LW headquarters by our roving field reporter GF.
The location: Daves living room (AKA the Anglo Irish)
Those present: SP, GF and a random American Marine
Details are sketchy as to how the introduction came to pass, but before I start, let me give you a little back story of the inimitable SP.
SP is a former member of the British Paratroopers, largely considered to be a Special Forces Unit in their own right, even though they are regular army. Now, over various “visits” to the worlds hotbed of arsehole activity, SP has encountered many American Marines, and has formed his opinion based on these many encounters. Now, in an effort to avoid the inevitable death threats…I need to point out that I am sure that not all American Marines conform to the stereotype that SP places on them…that said, he has his experiences. I won’t drink fizzy water for example….case closed really.
So, back to the introduction…
The SP is introduced to a random American that looks like he overdosed on steroids…referred to as your typical person of this type. On discovery of the random Americans profession, SP makes the following statement:
“Oh are you? A Marine? All Marines are gay”
Cue rapid ascent to the heavens and cartoon’esque steam coming out of the guys ears. He starts to rise from his seat in a, dare I say it, slightly aggressive manner.
At this point our roving reporter GF decides to intervene…
“hahahahaha – He is only joking around…. hahahahahah – Just kidding man”
SP, without batting an eyelid, responds thusly.. “No I’m not, Marines are all homos…admit it, you suck cock” and then walks away.
Genius I tellsya.
When questioned about this almost pavlovian response by me later… I discovered part of the reason for this *ahem* opinion of the American Marine. SP tells of being on tour, I think in Kosovo (he will no doubt correct me) and meeting up with a number of American forces.
During one of these meetings, an interesting discovery was made. The American forces were all presented with a small credit card sized information card that said the following:
DO NOT drink with the British
DO NOT gamble with the British
DO NOT fight with the British
You will lose!
I think that adequatly sums it up. SP is actually trying to find me one of these cards as, let’s face it, they sound like the stuff of urban legend.
A special shout out to our newest field reporter GF….nice start sir
Normal failure based service will be resumed shortly on “The Life and Times of a Failed Casanova”