Ok, so getting back in “the game” is a little more difficult than you realise. Especially when you haven’t been in said game for quite some time and you are not quite the same person as you were when you were having moderate success.
So I have taken to trying to get inside the minds of women...not just inside them*. How have I done this? Easy, by making lots of female friends and quizzing them. Also, by stealthily reading blogs..written by women who are in the dating scene. Unfortunately, neither of them live anywhere near me, nor have they written expansively on why Uncle Fester is a much overlooked superstud…so I will continue to use their thoughts read with interest their take on the whole dating malarky….and learn some things along the way.
So far I have learned that Online dating seems to be considered as an ok option, providing you pay attention to some ground rules. You have to make your first contact interesting, avoid using txt spk, don’t IM unless invited to, make your profile relatively interesting. If given a phone number, call it…if they wanted to read something from you they would stick to IM or email.
See, us blokes can learn things occasionally. Only occasionally mind…
The biggest lesson, that was delivered most recently, try and pay attention….especially if you have an unwavering desire to talk about your feelings incessantly, and the person you’re with does not. Oh, and if ignored….TAKE THE HINT. Do not, under any circumstances, write an email explaining how patient you were and try and lay the blame for you own failure to listen to them.
How am I doing so far?
I like it. Admittedly, I can no longer count on stealth in my pursuit of knowledge regarding the female mind (damnable mind and it’s lack of blog imagination)…at least that part of the female mind that deals with dating. It’s a start though right? Plus, I get the feeling that they might find it akin to guys trying to read Vogue or Cosmo in the 80s ;-)
See though, here’s the thing. I am perfectly comfortable talking to someone on IM. I am even perfectly comfortable walking smack into the “Friend Zone”. So I am waiting for the information to start flowing from these lovely ladies on the “signs”. I am great at body language at work, in meetings and presentations etc. I can tell you if a member of my team is paying attention to whatever I am saying. I can even see if people need more comfort, agression, compassion…whatever. However, put me next to women in a social situation and I see them as foreigners…making no movements I can understand…it’s a bit like being an English bloke living in, say, Germany…and not speaking the language. You know that what they are “saying” means something, you just don’t know what that something is.
So I make a lot of friends…and the encounters I do get into are not the ones I want….either they have a weird stalker thing going on, or they are friendships that I don’t want to risk for the sake of being “in the moment”.
What is a character from an old black and white gothic TV show to do? Other than electrocute myself for kicks or have a shower set to scalding.
Maybe this post will drag out some helpful hints in the comments….subtle eh?
So…are you fluent in body language?
EDIT: Since posting this I have been thinking and let’s face it, it doesn’t happen often enough. I am no longer a child… I should be mature enough to deal with things in such a way that I won’t allow a friendship to be ruined by an attempt to alter the relationship towards the romantic. Short edit, but an important revelation nevertheless.
* Sorry…no, really