Now..I know that people will go to extraordinary lengths to avoid getting into trouble with the law. There are even those that will go to extraordinary lengths to help other people avoid getting into trouble with the law…but seriously, how can you create a company that sells a fake penis, containing a heating element and synthetic urine, and not expect to get into trouble. I mean seriously, there is no way that you can think this is legal. Check it out for yourself… The Whizzinator.
I have to say that I admire the ingenuity of the inventors that decided to fill a niche market… hehheh I said fill a niche…
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, it got me thinking about other daft inventions. Now, admittedly, I don’t think that some of these have made it into production, but here are a few things that people have spent good money on in the US to patent them as ideas….
Electrified Table Cloth – The idea behind this is to keep bugs away from your food…obviously ignoring anything that flys and doesn’t land on the cloth itself…or Granny and her sensitive pacemaker who likes to lean on the table for stability….that said, it could totally help with table manners for people that constantly eat with their elbows on the table (very rude, or so the beatings of my youth lead me to believe..thanks mum!)
Animal Toy – Quite a vague title for a patent…but apparently someone thought it appropriate, at the US patent office, to allow someone to patent …. wait for it …. a plastic stick. Obviously the damage being done to the planet by using sticks that fall naturally from trees can be completely balanced by the creation of man-made plastic ones.
Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force – There are no real words to this…all I can tell you is that when I read this, I instantly flashed back to the scene in Spies Like Us (Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd) where they are put into the G-Force machine (or something) and rapidly span around. I kind of imagine that scene, but with stirrups and the woman laying down as it whips her around and around, and then…sorry, I’ll stop there.
Then, you find some that are actually on sale..
Anti Theft Car/Bike Stickers – In an effort to make your car/bike unappealing to potential thieves…you place these realistic rust/scratch stickers and make the car instantly… unappealing to you aswell…great idea.
Rain Sensor – This thing has 2 units, one you place outside and an alarm that sits inside. When rain hits the sensor outside, the alarm goes off….genius, because I would never have considered looking out of a window.. Why bother when you can spend money so you don’t have to. Might work with the lesser known “Invisible Rain” though…
Bulletproof Bed – Essentially, you get into bed and this thing surrounds you like a coffin. I can almost write the episode of CSI for you now…let’s face it, one power cut and the next time anyone sees you it will be because your neighbour upstairs is complaining about the strange smell… Also, the picture of it shows that it is wooden…not the most bulletproof material in the world