I think that the title is a quote attributed to the Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is quite appropriate seeing as I look like him at the moment. Either that or a hamster with loads of food in his left hand mouth pouch thing.
I haven’t slept in a while, thanks to what I believe to be an abscess. There is nothing I have experienced that is more frustrating than toothache. It is so focussed and there is nothing you can do to relieve it. Cold irritates it, warm pisses it off, direct contact makes it fight back – This thing is the surly teenager of teeth and it is determined to let me know how much it hates me. So I have to go to the dentist today, one of the few places that will make me regress to a scared child. I already mentioned my fear of dentists before, so you can probably imagine that I am heading there with no small amount of trepidation. That said, I have researched this guy on the internet and he is undoubtedly not Australian, so fingers crossed. This is the guy that I used to take the kids to when they lived out here with me…so if I am a good boy, I may get to choose a cool toy to take home.
It is such a bizarre psychological response though, I am sat here typing, with just under an hour before my appointment, and I can barely type I am shaking so much. I have smoked almost half of a pack of smokes since I made the appointment and I keep irrationally praying for the pain to stop so that I can avoid going. I am a rational, almost intelligent man..yet I can’t stop this involuntary panic. I know it needs to be done, I also know that he may remove the tooth…he will most certainly comment on the state of my teeth, but I will at least be able to get a quote to get whatever teeth I have left after today (you never know) fixed. Maybe I should download a Paul McKenna self hypnosis thing to stop the fear? Damnit, why didn’t I think of this when I was booking the appointment….I could be happy and oblivious right now….you know, my usual state of mind…
I will finish this off when I get back..providing I can type of course.
Ok, so I am back now and now I feel like Quasimodo…I can’t feel the left side of my face…or my lower lip. Had to have a root canal done, which was about as nice as you can imagine. 2 things though, firstly fair play to the dentist who made sure it didn’t hurt too much, although he did manage to lose a piece of one of his instruments in my tooth…it’s ok, he “hopes” that it won’t cause any problems before I go back to do it all again. Secondly, they gave me a free professional clean afterwards, which was great except it hurt more than the frickin root canal…what the fuck is that all about?!?
Still, it wasn’t an abscess although it would probably have become one. The whole experience has confirmed my suspicions though, after having instruments in my mouth by multiple people….I could never be a prostitute.
I better look for another fallback career..I’ll start doing that as I try to smoke out of the only part of my mouth I can still feel.
Now where can I find those hypnosis downloads?…I have to go back on Friday.