It's all in the lyrics

The ProclaimersOften the best things about any song is how the lyrics seem to apply to your life.   It could be that they seem to have been written specifically for you, or that you extract something powerful and meaningful to yourself from them.   It has to be mentioned though, this doesn’t apply to all songs.

I was on the phone to CW last night and at some point, the unmistakeable strains of 500 Miles by the Proclaimers drifted up into the apartment..

Now, on some levels, the lyrics aren’t all that bad.   It could be taken as a testament to the love that these 2 identical twins   have for this one woman, that they are willing to walk so very far, just to be with her.   I mean it seems to start off fairly well:

When I wake up yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you

So, if we are to assume that they go to bed together (one of the twins and the woman….otherwise Eek! ), and she isn’t planning on doing a runner (this assumes she hasn’t heard of the rest of his plans)…chances are that he will wake up next to her, and clearly if plans are made to, say, go for a walk the next morning…her will indeed be the man who goes along with her.   Nothing strange there, some might be overly critical and wonder why he is stating the frickin obvious, but *meh* so far so bland.

If I get drunk yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s havering to you

Ok, getting drunk is starting to show a level of stupidity now.   They already said that they want to go out after waking up next to this woman, but after guys get wrecked, the most we can accomplish the following day is to stagger…stagger like a man in the desert in need of water…to the couch.   Also, most women aren’t overly enamoured by suitors being wrecked..unless they are planning to get wrecked together…but even then I would expect a level of control.   It’s just when you combine it with the last bit that I become concerned.   Not satisfied with getting drunk next to this woman (notice ‘next to’, not with…) he intends to haver her.   Now I know what some of you are thinking, but no..havering is not the act of drunken lovemaking.   It essentially means to talk bollocks.   So this guy, is going to sit next to the object of his affections, get pissed beyond all measurable belief and talk bollocks to her.   Oh you romantic bastard, she will positively swoon with joy at your overt show of affection, she will clearly be wondering if a proposal of marriage will be forthcoming as you have put so much effort into the evening.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

Now I don’t know about you, but I have some issues with the chorus.   It seems quite harmless…some may even say sweet…the statement of being prepared to walk 500 miles, and then another 500 miles is almost kind of beautiful.   However, presuming they are in the UK… Land’s End to John O’ Groats is 837 miles by car, walking would be less…which would mean that even if they were seperated by the maximum distance you can be in the UK, he would have to get to her place and then just circle it for a couple of hundred miles, which seems a little dim to me.   On top of this if, you are together in Land’s End after spending such clearly wonderful times waking up and getting drunk (with occasional bouts of bollocks talking), and she moves to John O’ Groats…she is clearly making a statement mate.   Let it go.

Even if it was to be taken as a very romantic gesture and, ignoring all the inherent stupidity in not using some form of transportation (bad as it is), she was willing to welcome you with open arms…would you really fall down at her door?   I mean, wouldn’t it make more sense to fall down on her couch….with a cup of tea?   Or maybe fall onto her doorbell…so she would at least know you were there.   You made it 1000 miles, you have been walking around her block for almost 200 miles, presumably without stopping.   You can make it in the house…have a little faith dude.

When I’m working yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I’ll do
I’ll pass almost every penny on to you

Working hard for her…nice sentiment.   I like that, it shows a level of responsibility and commitment that have so far been lacking.   Be careful though, giving all of your money to her is a dangerous thing, you will have none left for taking her out and getting drunk with her.   After all, you can’t expect her to pay all of the time, surely you aren’t that guy.

When I come home yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s growing old with you

Yet another obvious statement, presuming that she hasn’t taken all of his money and ran off with the Window Cleaner.   If they are living together, he will be coming back home to her when he goes home.   Does it need to be said?   Really?

The next line interests me though..”If I grow old”, IF…. Maybe there is some secret immortality recipe mixed in with the batter of the deep fried Mars Bars that the Scottish fellows are known to eat.   Maybe a study could be done to see if   high fat/cholesterol is akin to a delicious fountain of youth type thing?   Either that or they realised that they had overused the word “when” and needed to shake it up a little, just to keep us on our toes….Either way I am impressed.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

Nuff said about the chorus really…

When I’m lonely yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man whose lonely without you
When I’m dreaming yes I know I’m gonna dream
Dream about the time when I’m with you.

Is he suggesting she is going to die here?   I mean, they just got together right?   She is a catch dude!   Admittedly, after you got pissed and started talking bollocks, she moved as far away as she could get without leaving the country…but with the whole walking thing you won her back…clearly there is love there.   What’s wrong?   Was it the chase that was the most interesting thing, now it’s all “Stop talking bollocks and are you drinking again!   My mother is coming over, you better not say anything like that to her…” etc etc etc.   This just says to me that maybe you should walk the 800 miles back and find someone else.   Dream about her?   I would guess your natural (and obvious) stalker tendencies would mean you are prone to such things…maybe you are dreaming about the time you wrapped your hands around her throat…in an effort to stop her nagging.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

Stupid fucking chorus….

Next week…No Limit by 2 Unlimited Wink

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