Your car is not your apartment…

Road Rage*People, seriously.   Ok so right now I mean people of Frankfurt, seriously!

I realise that your car feels like your personal haven, maybe you are listening to your favourite audio book, a piece of music, an interesting political debate on the ethics of the modern mans role in breastfeeding..primarily if he should be forced to undergo some form of surgical enhancement/estrogen course to allow lactation.   I do, I get it.

For women, it is a mobile dressing room where makeup is to be applied and hair brushed or straightened.   Disturbingly, in Sachsenhausen, it would appear that men like to do makeup and their hair aswell…ok, it takes all sorts I suppose.

I went for a walk the other day, I was only out for 50 minutes…in those 50 minutes I saw the following :

A woman changing her babies nappy…the kid was still on the passenger seat when she moved away from the traffic lights

2 people eating, but with 2 hands..driving with their knees I assume

1 guy reading a newspaper, with it   spread across the steering wheel

Another guy having a shave, fortunately with an electric shaver…driving in heavy traffic whilst looking permanently at his mirror.

A woman changing her top, presumably to something more comfortable.   Nice breasts though, so it wasn’t all bad.

And of course, plenty of people picking their noses and eating it…which I don’t really have a problem with…I have a problem with the guy that was flicking it out of the window with no regard for innocent passers by.

Aside from the ridiculous things it is also interesting to watch people though as they wend their merry way through life.   You have the stern looking people, seemingly angry at the world…certainly road rage/heart attack candidates.   Then there are the easily distracted ones..you know the type…always in shock when traffic stops, or moves, or their indicators blink, that they are in the car at all…kind of like the double take brothers below:

There are those people that are laughing out loud at the radio, the very important business types chatting away on their bluetooth doing things far more important than you or I could ever hope to comprehend (some of them even have laptops on their seats or dashboard!), and of course there are the cabaret acts.   The singing (and sometimes dancing) fools that are completely tuned out of the world and into what they are listening to that they don’t even see you.   They seem to drive on autopilot, quite how they manage to avoid crashing is beyond me.

Occasionally, and normally if you are driving a truck or van…you will see people having sex – That is quite funny, especially when you beep at them to let them know you can see Wink

What sort of idiotic or funny stuff have you seen people doing in their cars?

Bargains, Bargains, Much Geekness

protect your pocketOk, so I recently told of how I have been recently referred to as an emotional geek.

I can live with that, I don’t really have much of a choice. That said, even though I embrace my inner geek, I have always maintained that I am not a sterotypical geek.

The problem with that statement was brought to light when I looked around the office the other day…and realised that none of the lads I work with (except one or two) are what you would refer to as a sterotypical geek.

By definition, that makes us all stereotypical geeks, albeit new and improved, or something.

Gone are the days of open toed Jesus Creepers with grey socks, glasses, a beard and pocket protectors lined with pens. Instead, todays modern geek is generally social, likes sports, drinking and women (pick your own order).   Also, as I have 4 children..I can say with absolute certainty, that I have had sex at least 4 times in my life…fuck you original geeks, fuck you in your taped up glasses, bad acne and too short trouser legs.

It’s a little like “Alternative comedy” (a phrase coined in the 90’s I think), it started off as alternative when it was unusual and new..now almost every comedian is an alternative comic, which by definition makes them standard comics I suppose.   These days Little and Large would be considered alternative… Oh god, I hope they don’t try and make a come back…they really should just stick to advertising double glazing.

The thing is, it is pretty good to be a “New” Geek these days.   The fact that almost everyone has a computer of some description and the internet connected means that we are in demand…I have had many a night out pretty much paid for through the favours network generated by geekdom.   Although you do have to be careful, CW and I were watching a show on Sunday and I made a throwaway reference to Star Trek, which prompted a look, that I can’t accurately describe, from CW…followed by “Oh god, you’re not a trekkie are you?   Battlestar Galactica is one thing, but Star Trek!”

Fortunately for me the whole Star Trek thing passed me by.   Don’t get me wrong, I have watched some episodes in a “It’s on but I can’t be arsed to get up and reach to the coffee table to turn over” kind of way.   I will even admit to liking some of what I saw, but I could never get into it.

The new Battlestar Galactica is genius though (I say new, it has been running for 5 years).   When you watch it, half the time you can forget that it is set in space..it is a deeply dark drama.   Sure, they are playing the spiritual/Gods card a little too much for my liking, but the acting is superb and it kind of draws you in.   I am a fan, but not a fanboy.   That said, I think that the vitriol laid against it by Dirk “Face from the A-Team” Benedict is possibly a little too much.   He goes so far as to say that this “Re-imagining” is actually an “Un-imagining”.   I kind of think he has missed the point a little bit.   The original show was an enjoyable family Sunday evening show in the Buck Rodgers style…harmless basically.   The new version has turned it into a serious drama set that explores humanity with compelling writing.   He rails against allowing the “Enemy” to be able to justify their actions.   Surely that was missing from the original.   Based on the original show, the “Enemy” were mindless robots who just didn’t like humans.   Giving them their own sense of justification makes the war make sense in a certain way.   It allows the viewer to empathise if they want to….Arse.

Ah yes, it’s nice to be able to prove other peoples points sometimes…I stopped typing above as I realised that I was being particularly geeky there, and possibly fanboy’esque.

Talking of TV shows, it was recommended to me by JD and a couple of others after her that, I should watch Leverage.   So I did…what a great show.   It reminds me of the Oceans series of films, but episodic.   Great show, can’t recommend it enough.

Umm, back to my Geekness or lackthereof….I can’t really deny it I suppose, but think of me as Geek+ or Geek 2.0…I maintain compatibility with the old Geeks, but add new options and features.   I don’t have an adenoid problem a la Morris from the IT Crowd.   I don’t believe that Star Wars and Star Trek are insightful glimpses into our future.   I do recognise the importance of technology…particularly to me, but don’t believe that it is the be all and end all.   I do eat some crap sometimes, but I don’t survive on whatever the German equivelant to Mountain Dew and Cheetos would be.

That all said, watching someone double click a link on a webpage makes a little piece of me die…

So there it is, I am Geeky McGeek of the Clan Geek…and frak it*, why not.

* May or may not be copyrighted by the creators of BSG…

PS:   I probably should apologise for this post, I am feeling particularly discombobulated this morning, and possibly frasmotic…

Valentines Day

Saint ValentineSo this Saturday is the official made up day of lurve.   I say made up as it does seem to be a little too commercialised..looking into the whole “St Valentine” thing just results in admittance that there was nothing romantic in it at all.

As Barry White once said “I’m gonna love you, love you; Love you just a little bit more baby”

Obviously Barry can’t have been married, otherwise his lyrics would have referred to his “Non-Birthday blowjob, providing you don’t have a headache…baby” or something.

Over here in Germany, it is nowhere near as big as the UK…but, as with Halloween, they are catching up…fast.   Expectations will soon be raised and guys all over the country will be waking up on that fateful 14th February and heading down to the nearest petrol station to pick up a bunch of wilted flowers and a box of Ferrero Rocher, or be faced with the wrath of their nearest and dearest.   Restaurants will be double booked and charging double the price.   At least here they don’t appear to have reached the level of the UK, which translates into parents sending their kids Valentines cards, just in case.   I know that Mums and Nans are just trying to help and ensure that their special little boy/girl isn’t left cardless and leperlike at school…but when you get older, and start to recognise the writing…the only card you will need then is the card for the therapist appointment hotline.   Tantamount to child abuse that is…in the long term obviously.

I think Jimmy Carr said it best:

“Valentines day is the only day of the year where you can recieve an unsigned card from a complete stranger saying they want to fuck you, and you go…Aaawww”

Why do valentines cards have to be unsigned?   Surely that defeats the purpose of expressing your underlying stalker nature love to someone.   The idea of spending money (in a recession no less) on a card, possibly flowers and maybe chocolates..then sending them to someone signed “your secret admirer”, seems more than a little dim to me.

Also, if the person happens to be with someone (which is the only logical reason to not announce yourself), and you believe this person isn’t worthy of their love, because they are an arsehole or something….the chances are that they have forgotten to send anything…and you sending an unsigned gift allows them to instantly get credit (and the blowjob) for your purchase.

Far from show this person what life could be like without this arsehole, you just made him look good… Not the brightest idea you could ever have.   Sure, signing your name on a card/flowers/chocolate combo to Sue in accounting, knowing that she is seeing Psycho the Bouncer (and former kick boxing champion)..who happens to know exactly where you live…might be a little scary.   I understand that but, think of the adrenalin rush…and the possible interesting sexy times that might ensue after you get out of hospital and physio..

For my part I am doing the modern thing this year, I will be cooking for CW…we will probably settle in to watch a chick flick, drink wine and talk about our feelings..wait, hang on.   Let me try again… I will be cooking for CW..there may be a movie comedy to watch, some alcohol and who knows what else.   There will be a Do Not Disturb sign on my front door, and the paramedics just outside in case of gastronomical disaster.   I am nothing if not thoughtful.

Right, I am off down to the shops to stock up on Rennie, Gaviscon and Peptobismal.

Enjoy your very own night of luuuurve.

Friday 13th

SuperstitionToday is that most heinously scary of all days, Friday the 13th.   muahahHAHAHAHAAAAAA…or something.

I personally have never subscribed to the theory that a day can be scary in and of itself, unless of course you have decided to go naked skydiving into the Everglades…with a hanky for a parachute…blindfolded and sporting “All Crocodiles are Pussies” tattoos on your chest and arse cheeks whilst singing “See ya later alligator” over and over again.

For instance, and eschewing all fear, I have an important day today that might steer my next few years in Germany.   Did I shrink at the thought of doing it on Friday the 13th?   No, I positively welcomed it…to fly in the face of bad luck.   Or should that be to push my luck?   One of those anyway.

Of course, if it all goes wrong, I will completely embrace Friday the 13th and never leave the apartment again on such a day. Halloween will take on a whole new meaning and I will stop taking the piss out of random American women by standing behind them and whispering “Bloody Mary”.

Apparently, being scared of this day means you have paraskavedekatriaphobia (thanks Wikipedia), which sounds altogether too painful for me.   I love the breakdown though…it comes from the Greek words paraskevi (means Friday), dekatre?­s (means 13) and then you glue phobia to the end of it. Hey presto, you have FridayThirteenFear, and probably A Division by Zer0 visiting to correct me for daring to use anything Greek in the blog.   Noone really knows where it came from though.   I would hazard a guess and say that most people were brought up with the notion that 13 is unlucky….we don’t know why, but we accept it..but Friday??   Friday is the beginning of the weekend, how can that be unlucky?!?   Surely Monday the 13th is more terrifying…unlucky 13 and the first day back at work/school etc?

Gives me the shivers just thinking about it.

Of course Friday the 13th brings out that time honoured British clich?? “Lucky for some”.   That really takes the horoscope side of things doesn’t it.   Of course it will be lucky for some, in the same way that “Cancerians with heads may be forced to take nourishment today, you will read something, you may or may not meet someone and they may or may not like you” is a very accurate assessment of my day.

Also, I wrote this 2nd post for y’all today..which, depending on your view, will either confirm that today is unlucky or not.   Admittedly, it is 09:05 now and I realised it was Friday the 13th about five minutes ago…so thought I would knock something up honour the day in some way.

Back to the grind, try not to step on any black cats made out of broken mirrors if you can.

Emotional Geek?

Geek!Apparently…at least according to CW.

Ok, so I have a big computer system with dual screens and over 3 TB of data, a laptop next to my bed.   I write a blog (ok so write is a big statement, but you know what I mean).   I work in IT, have all sorts of other gadgets.   I used to game (and by used to, I mean up until a few months back).   Years ago I liked Role Playing Games, later I ran LAN parties…up until the break up I had a media center PC hooked up to the TV, the kids had a PC and Gamecube to use, the Ex had her own PC, there was also a PS2 and eventually a Wii.

So I may have a collection of over 400 DVDs and various *ahem* backups on my PC, still enjoy comic books (and make the distinction of calling them graphic novels)…I could go on, but I am pretty sure that I have covered the Geek thing.

That all said, this isn’t the reason for CW referring to me as an emotional Geek.   So what could it be? I hear you cry (I love the voices in my head sometimes)

Ok ok, so I love Liverpool Football Club…always have, always will.   It’s kind of a parental relationship at times..you know, the always love, but don’t always like kind of deal.   When I talk about the club, I talk about it with the sort of passion that suggests it is actually my team.   That is completely normal for most English football fans and I suspect for passionate football fans the world over.   I don’t recall what was said, but whilst referring to my beloved LFC I was called a Geek…

I very gently pointed out that a Football Geek would normally be a statto that keeps useless facts about every game hidden in the darkest depths of their mind…just to troll out at moments that people specifically designed to be impactive, accurate, articulate and cure insomnia.   I also pointed out that I am simply a passionate fan, and recounted the following story:-

The day after a particularly impressive victory by LFC, I was to be seen wearing my LFC shirt.   Anyone that knows me would tell you that this is not an unusual item of clothing for me to wear.   They would also tell you that I am more likely to wear the shirt following a loss.   Whilst I am in a shop, random guy x walks up to me and proceeds to tell me that I am a “Typical Liverpool Fan”, and that I am only wearing the shirt because Liverpool won.   I respond by lifting the sleeve of my top, I then point at the LFC tattoo on my shoulder and say “I am always wearing them mate…win, lose or draw”.   This gentleman of questionable team loyalty (for he did not show any tattoo) was at a loss as to how he should respond, and simply walked away.

When I finish regailing this (miraculously) short story, CW looks at me and says:

“Ok, you aren’t a typical Geek..you are an emotional Geek”

Damnit

Gotta get back in time

Clothes discarded earlier today…. as Huey Lewis and the News once sang.

I have been spotting a disturbing trend around Frankfurt recently from a certain group of people.   Well, I say recently, but in reality I just kept forgetting about it…you know, how the mind blocks out traumatic events to protect our fragile little minds.

Basically, teenagers of a certain decent in Frankfurt seem to be modelling themselves on a combination of Robert Smith/B52 Girls   hair styles (the Girls), MC Hammer trousers (the girls) and Chris Isaak mullets (the guys).   Additional styles include Skinny drainpipe jeans (the guys) and black jackets with the sleeves rolled up (the guys).   Of course, I couldn’t forget the fact that the jeans will be black, slightly too short and will be finished off with white socks and black shoes.

It is like something out of Don’t mess with the Zohan…honestly, either that or from some hip, cool and groovy pop video circa 1983.   Actually, the guys with the black jackets look like a sort of Gothic Miami Vice…

The guys will invariably have half a ton of Brylcream in their hair and bum fluff mustaches, whereas the women will be wearing some spangly faux gold/diamond pair of shoes that give you an epileptic fit whenever they start walking.   Oh, and bum fluff mustaches.

They will all be wandering aimlessly and normally near/around the local internet cafe.   If found on trams/tubes they will be listening to music (probably 2 Unlimited) by utilising their mobile phone as a stereo…shit music being played through a single shit speaker.   Based on their look, I can only feel blessed that we aren’t forced to listen to the MIDI version, as you can almost reasonably expect their phones to be as dated as their look.

If they were in England, they would be wearing Burberry clothing, drinking 20-20 behind the school bikesheds and smoking Lambert and Butler cigs.   They would live on a council estate and drive around in a Mk.1 Fiesta (1.1 poplar) with a wooden spoiler hoisted on the back that was made out of wooden pallets.   In short, these people are Germanys very own Chavs.

In the spirit of education, I present to you two classic music videos that really captures the essence of the Chav.   Enjoy first, “In Me Burberry”:-

And now the classic “Chavhemian Rhapsody”

I’ll be the one getting his head kicked in outside the kebab shop later…

Interesting…

..Just a quick thought.

Is it somewhat Freudian that when I write an email to a particular person, I always write “Kind retards” instead of “Kind regards” at the end of the email?

It almost always happens…and only to this person. It has to only be a matter of time until I forget to correct it and just press send.

Hmmm….

Waxing lyrical…

..again!

Today, inspired by nothing more than a promise to you, I have decided to analyse more lyrical masterpieces on a semi-regular basis (read: when I can think of one)…

Up first is the classic No Limits, written by the lyrical genius of Dutch prodigies 2 Unlimited.   Strap yourself in, they simply don’t write ’em like this these days:

Lemme hear ya say yeah! (yeah!)
Lemme hear ya say yeah! (yeah!)

Clearly designed for the medium of live shows, this act of acknowledgement to the audience only serves to endear 2 Unlimited to us all, it also makes sure that everyone is suitably ready to rock out (possibly with their cock out, it’s too early to tell)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no ,no, no there’s no limit!
no, no, no ,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no there’s no limit!

It’s amazing when a band decides to hit you with such power and poignancy from the start…most bands like to build to their message, lull you with calming sounds and dance around the issues.   Not 2 Unlimited, they know their audience, they understand that people get them.   Clearly they are asking people to open their minds and not constrain themselves with the little things….such as talent.

No no limits, we’ll reach for the sky!
No valley to deep
No mountain too high
No no limits, won’t give up the fight!
We do what we want and we do it with pride

There we go you see, throw off the shackles of conformity and medocrity, reach as high as you can possibly go.   With deep valleys and high mountains, they are clearly trying to prepare you for the journey of life and need you to understand what trials and tribulations you may face.   Such strength of meaning, so often missing from todays music.

In the last part of this verse, they begin dealing with how you have to be strong in your own convictions, fight for your beliefs and rights and always, always remember to be proud of yourself and whatever you do.   Do what you want, do what you feel…let noone stand in your way.   You are powerful, you are amazing, you are a WINNER!

Lemme hear ya say yeah! (yeah!)

Now, you could be forgiven for wondering why they would repeat such the powerful statement from the beginning of the song here, but you would be wrong to do so.   Using this again is genius.   You have to remember that following that initial rendition of the chorus, most of the audience may well be weeping and/or away in their own thoughts.   To ensure that they come back to be able to fully appreciate the rest of this powerful song, 2 Unlimited choose to provide a lyrical slap around the face to bring the people back to reality..specifically so that they can do it to them again.   Not being content with strong lyrics and an up tempo beat, 2 Unlimited are masters of the eclectic and like to surprise their audience.   I present to you the first rap of the song:

Hard to the core, I feel the floor
When I’m on stage, yo, ya answer more
I’m on the edge, I know the ledge, I work real hard to collect my cash!
Tick tick ticka tick take your time, when I’m goin’ I’m goin’ for mine
Open your ears and you will hear it
I tell you this ’cause there’s no limit!

It is here that they really begin to relate to us, the normal people.   Feeling the floor is clearly representative that, despite there being no theoretical limits to what we can achieve (or indeed what 2 Unlimited have achieved),   it is important to stay grounded.     They show a real connection to the audience when referring to getting answers from “ya” (obviously maintaining their cool street vibe).   Staying grounded means dedication and hard work and the possibility of failure is something to be aware of (hence the ledge).   I am sure that they have been on many a ledge with people yelling jump…these people are naysayers and the fact that 2 Unlimited overcame this and managed to work hard, taking their time to achieve perfection and eventually recieved their just rewards for such perseverence.   The cash referred to here is clearly a metaphor for spiritual salvation, simply translated into something that we, the normal people, could relate to better.   It would have been too obvious and possibly even a little clich??d for them to ask you to open your mind so, 2 Unlimited recognising this, ask you to open your ears…listening is such an important skill.   Of course finally, they remind you of the purpose for delivering this message.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no ,no, no, no, no there’s no limit!

Again, they are really driving home this valuable message to us all.   There are no limits, never forget that.

(CHORUS)

I won’t focus on the chorus again, it will be difficult to pull you back from your own thoughts, hopes and dreams were I to do so, and I couldn’t be held responsible for you not receiving the rest of this message.

Ow! Hey yay yeah hey hey! Now, now, hey yeah yeh hey hey! Hoo!

Ok, so here…they…umm, well.. clearly this is…joyful exuberance, yeah..joyful exuberance.   Unable to contain themselves, they take a leaf (albeit non-religious) out of the Gospel singers book and simply release their joy.   Got it?   Good.   I am glad you can follow as they move back into the medium of rap for the next verse.

No limits allowed
Cause there’s much crowd
Microphone check as I choose my route
I’m playing on the road
I’ve got no fear, the south from my mouth is on record here
There never will be no mountain too high
Reach the top, touch the sky!
They tried to diss me cause I sell out
I’m making techno and I am proud!

You see now, what they did..is.. arse..I mean…well they sort of spin this whole thing on its head don’t they.   Not only are there no limits as to what you can do, now they are saying that there are no actual limits allowed.   Sort of setting a limit on limits if you will.   It is this kind of paradoxical genius that sets 2 Unlimited apart.   The reason for limiting limits on limits?   Because there is much crowd apparently.   Much crowd meaning that…possibly….anyway, fuck it…moving on.

Microphone check as they choose their route and playing on the road is clearly a clever paraphrase on the “All the world’s a stage and the men and women merely players” quote.   There aren’t many lyricists that could so eloquently utilise the very words of Shakespeare himself and maintain a catchy beat.   I must confess to clearly being a philistine and of such small intellect that I am unable to penetrate the meaning of the rest of it.   I have consulted many texts and volumes of the worlds books and foremost literary genius, yet can find nothing that adequately allows me to understand the levels of spiritual enlightenment.

I simply allow the words to roll over me and feel the….. oh for fucks sake, it’s bollocks isn’t it.   It’s all bollocks.

(CHORUS)

What is it with this stupid fucking chorus?   God I hate this song….aaaaaAAAAAARRRRRRGH

*****

Next time, something by either Robbie Williams or The Wengaboyz….or you could make a suggestion in the comments I suppose.

Smile

If God told you to do it, it must be ok!

EyetestI was told a story yesterday that has got to be worthy of a mention. It should also be pointed out that, A Division by Zer0 is writing about this too…but damnit I couldn’t pass up writing about it too.

Apparently the other night, MB returned home at around 3am after a session on the beer. Nothing unusual there you might think, but upon entering his domicile, he was confronted by a man….sitting on his couch….and using his computer.

Obviously, the initial “Is this my flat?” confusion and quickly stepping outside to confirm, was rapidly replaced by “WTF!”.   The guy, not content with being sat on someone elses couch at 3am, was remarkably calm.   I suspect that it was this apparent calmness that stopped MB from delivering retribution on a scale only measurable by his bodies alcohol content.   Then it dawned on him, the front door was locked as expected and MB had opened said door in the normal drunken manner (5 attempts to get key in the keyhole that seems to be moving and blurring in and out of focus).   All appeared to be well with the windows…no glass lying around.   How the hell did this miscreant get into the apartment?

Looking toward the kitchen area all was revealed.   This lunatic was actually the neighbour of MB and had cut a hole in the wall between the two apartments.   It transpires late that this was his second attempt, as his first attempt had ended up with the hole being blocked by kitchen units.   The wall is some half meter thick, made of brick and covered with plasterboard.

Please see exhibit A:

A pretty neat job by all accounts.   Upon seeing this, MB enquired as to the nature of this gentlemans visit and was rewarded with a tale of a woman continuously knocking on the wall…and he needed to investigate.   On top of all of this, and with no trace of sarcasm…the lunatic tells MB that “God told me to do it”

God.   Told him to do it.   Seriously…

You would hope that God might have mentioned the modern era invention of doors and the ability to knock on them…at a reasonable hour.   That said, God does move in mysterious ways apparently and, as we are all Gods creatures, this guy decided to be Jerry in this real life cartoon.

It beggars belief, although the thought strikes me that it could have been considerably worse had MB been in when it happened.   If you look at how neat the hole is..chances are that, at some point, there would have been a fucking huge knife or similar poking its way through the plasterboard.   I know myself that I would have instantly shit myself in a horror movie stylee.

Phoning the police was an interesting challenge, as the dispatcher didn’t speak English and repeating the question “Do you know the way to the library?” in ever increasing volume just wasn’t going to cut it for this conversation.   Cue a number of phonecalls to friends with German girlfriends later and the police were called by proxy.

The police arrive (10 of them) to find an incredulous MB…asking lots of questions along the lines of “Is this normal?; This can’t be normal, can it?; Have you seen this before?” and so on.   The police tried to reassure MB and inform him that in fact, no…this was not normal behaviour, nor have they seen this before.   Obviously they arrested the guy, but needed to get into his apartment….which was locked and he hadn’t brought keys.   Clearly he had planned to make more use of his tunnel now that he had made a new friend.   Maybe, once he realised that there was in fact no woman to be found, knocking on the wall or otherwise…he decided that this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.   It is possible that he was using MBs laptop to search Ebay for just the right accoutrements to beautify the new entrance between abodes.   A Mancunian/Frankfurtian lovenest if you will (for MB is indeed a Manc..try not to hold that against him).

In the absence of keys, one of the police officers had to crawl through to this guys apartment..where they discovered the plasterboard and all of the bricks neatly stacked up.

Suffice to say that MB is currently residing in a hotel until the landlord effects the repairs to the property and hopefully evicts the nutter.   Let’s face it, you just know that the coppers won’t be able to hold him long and he will be back…crawling through the tunnel and probably masturbating to goat pr0n on MBs couch, staring at pictures of the Mancunian maestro himself.

It could happen.

Hotter than hell

SOOCOk, this needs to be said…I am currently sat in my office overlooking Frankfurt. The temperature outside has dropped again, this time to around 2 degrees..

A few weeks ago it was at -14 for crying out loud…so why is it that, following the minor drop from 4 to 2 degrees, the premises people feel the need to increase room temperature by 15 degrees…..It is like a frickin furnace in here.

Seriously, I walked into the office today and was looking for the bucket of water and stack of coals in the corner. When it was -14 they didn’t crank up the heat more than a couple degrees….now it is practically tropical and they have gone mental with the thermostat.

It gives me visions of two cartoon characters, fighting over how much to turn the dial…until it either breaks off on FULL or just keeps spinning to the right…and all attempts to stop the dial end up with the cartoon’esque premises guy spinning around with it and flying off as hilarity ensues.

No seriously, it is too fucking hot…make it stop

Damnit