Photo by chrisjohnbeckettHave you ever wondered where Chavs come from? I always did…sure, some of them are pre-disposed to it based on their upbringing, others through peer pressure. However, where did the parents get it from, or the peers for that matter?
Today, I figured it out. It’s Punch and Judy shows. For years, this “harmless” kids puppet show has been responsible for the myriad of Burberry cap wearing, shellsuit tucked into the socks having, wooden spoiler installing wankers that are roaming around Britain today.
I took Zak and Brandon to a Falconry show today and, walking around it, we noticed a red and white striped puppet theater tent. Memories came bubbling to the surface and I realised it was a Punch and Judy show..and it was about to start. The boys wanted to watch the show, and as they sat down to enjoy it, I wandered off to one side so I could have a smoke. I will admit that I was looking around and in my own little world, when sounds started permeating my own nicotine fuelled haze. I could hear the excited yelling and screaming of the children watching the show. “Aww, that’s nice” I thought, the performer has clearly engaged the children and is getting them to join in. I glance across at Zak and Brandon and see that they are laughing and joining in.
It is then that I realise what is being said and I whip my mind into shape, wander round to the front so I can see and pay attention. At the time I was watching, Punch was holding his baby and Judy was asking the kids to shout her name if Mr Punch was, and I quote, “Being horrible to the baby”. Judy disappears, and Punch decides to take the baby for a walk. Cue hilarity as the baby can’t really walk and keeps falling over. Punch then picks up the baby, puts it on the floor….and sits on it. The kids scream for Judy and, as she arrives, Punch picks the baby up so that Judy is none the wiser.
Now, so far so good I say…somebody was being naughty to a baby, and the kids were encouraged to tell someone about it. Not too bad of a lesson there I suppose, when you think about it. However, it didn’t end there. Judy asks the kids what Mr Punch was up to and the kids duly grass him up. When Judy starts remonstrating with the “Naughty Mr Punch”…”Naughty Mr Punch” picks up a stick that, compared to his physical size, is like you or I picking up a 2×4 plank…and batters Judy around the back of the head.
This is followed by squeals of laughter from the kids…Judy gets up and says, and I quote, “Oooh, isn’t he naughty boys and girls”..which is responded to by another battering around the back of the head. When she is on the floor…Punch continues to hit her with the stick…and then kicks her off stage. Whereupon he looks out at the kids and shouts “That’s the way to do it”. I look around at the other parents and notice them smiling and laughing, the kids are in fits of laughter and I realise that most of them are probably thinking “Thanks Mr Punch, we see that this is indeed the way to do it”
A few minutes later, a police officer comes out and is looking for Mr Punch…presumably to arrest him for child abuse and battery. Good, thinks I, they will now learn that being “naughty” actually has consequences. I fully expected the police officer to arrest Punch and give him 25 to life in prison…for me, this would have been a great way to end the show…leaving the kids with lots of questions about what you should and shouldn’t do in life, and possibly about why Mr Punch was seen some time later walking very gingerly with a bandage on his bum.
My hopes for a life lesson were cut short though when, after confronting Punch about his “Naughtiness”, Punch proceeds to batter the copper…all the while telling the kids that “That’s the way to do it”.
It’s funny, I don’t remember any of this from Punch and Judy when I was a kid…I probably just forgot, all things considered. That said, it is equally possible that I remember Punch and Judy as harmless kids entertainment, because it was…now it appears to be a brainwashing recruitment drive for Fundamentalist Chavlims. I believe that Chavs are not just the grim reality of a welfare state in the UK. I believe that they are planning to overthrow government and seize control of the UK. It will be an almost Orwellian world, where everyone is expected to wear shell suits, drive Ford Fiesta 1.1 cars with a wooden spoiler and a body kit, not wash for weeks on end and spend every penny you get in Aldi, Netto or the pub. Screw the “War on terrorism”, let’s deal with the “War on Burberryism” first!
Face it, they do more damage to local towns on a Saturday night than anyone else on the planet could achieve with a years planning…they need only a small recruitment drive as each Chavette has about 9 kids by her 16th birthday…and worst of all…they are being funded by the government on a weekly basis.
I’ll leave you lot to sort it out, I’m escaping back to Frankfurt in a few days…
Oh, and for those of you unfamiliar with Mr Punch and his violent behaviour, or have simply forgotten…this video really says everything