They don't write 'em like this anymore…

echoplexSo today I have decided to take on a challenge.   It’s a big challenge and I sincerely hope I am up to it….I suspect probably not, but damnit I just have to try.   I realise that taking on lyrical prowess of such enormity and genius, will probably lead to me losing my last few readers…but I have to live on the edge.   This, ladies and gentlemen, is challenging and cutting edge blogging at it’s most contentious…

You probably already suspect where this is heading, and you would be right…so I beg you, read on and don’t judge me yet.     I give to you:

Cheekah Bow Bow by the Vengaboys

Vengaboys are rockin’ da house

One, two, three
Shake your ass and dance with me

I’m in…I love me some house rockin’ and ass shakin’…ok so I can do without the dancing..but she sounds hot.   I mean, “rockin’ da house” shows us just how now and (dare I say it) hip she is.   Ok so she decided to forgoe “Yo’ ass” in favour of the more formal “Your ass”, but to me..this just shows an extra layer of class that others may lack.

I saw you in the disco
Last night in San Francisco
The way you used your joystick
It really makes my mouse click

So she was checking me out…that’s cool..it’s nice to be pursued.   That said, even though it was in San Francisco…I can assure you that there was absolutely little or no joystick action on my part.   Still..if the person you thought I was, engaged in a little joystick action and, caused you to get your mouse a’clickin’ then so much so the better.

Wait a minute…mouse click??!??   Were you on webcam somewhere…I sincerely hope you are agorophobic or seriously shy, explaining why you are on a disco webcam…and not that you can’t leave the house without the assistance of a team of house builders and a crane.   If you are just a stalker…that’s fine..just don’t put me in the situation where I come home and find the cats boiling on the cooker….mmkthanks.

Come sit down on my laptop
Lets do a little hiphop
Let’s go into a chatroom
And do a little boom boom

I honestly don’t think that my sitting on your laptop is going to be a good idea…I can’t guarantee its survival.   Plus…my sitting on it would definitely stop you getting to the keys….which is certainly not condusive to accessing the chatroom you refer to.   Additionally, I am not sure that I have ever done “hiphop” and frankly I am not entirely certain what doing “hiphop” entails, or even if I would have the necessary agility to perform such an act.

Cheekah Bow Bow
Cheekah Bow Bow
Cheekah Bow Bow
Cheekah Bow Bow

Now, the closest thing I can run to for this is that you have been searching Youtube for that clever monkey from Tarzan.   The trouble is, you see to have spelt it wrong…it’s CheeTah you see…an easy mistake to make I suppose…could be that you were trying to type with someone sat on your laptop again…could happen!

One, two, three
Shake your ass and dance with me

One, two, three

Shake your ass and dance with me
One, two, three
Shake your ass and dance with me

One
Two
Three

Ok…you can count, we get it…mummy would be soooo proud.   You also appear to be following a childs logic of persistence.   Like Macauley Culkin in Uncle Buck, when he just asks repetitively until Uncle Buck gives up and answers the damn question.

I saw you in the disco
Last week in San Francisco
The way you used your joystick
Has really made me feel sick

Ok, slightly different statement here from the first.   It’s San Francisco..reknowned gay friendly area of the US…I realise that you believe it’s me in this disco…but it really isn’t.   For a start, nowhere has called it a Disco since 1976 FFS.   Secondly, whatever this supposed doppelganger of mine was doing, with his joystick, in a San Francisco Disco, that made you feel sick…I certainly don’t want to be associated with, and quite frankly you have moved from stalker to slander and a possible lawsuit.

The doctor checked my harddrive
A virus in my archive
My disc was not protected
And now I am infected

As you are (I think) female, I am a little concerned about the hard drive reference…I would be equally worried if you were referring to your floppy or RAM stick…but hard disk is just weird.   Now you tell me that you are probably syphilitic, thanks to unprotected sex with some random “joystick”.   PS “A virus in my archive” makes “And now I am infected” a redundant statement…I realise that you aren’t English, but hey….every day’s a school day…right?

Ladies and Gentlemen…
DJ Bill Gates
Do do do do do do do
Cheekah Bow Bow

Do do do do do do do

Cheekah Bow Bow
Do do do do do do do
Cheekah Bow Bow
 

Let’s recap… Someone is doing something vomit inducing, at a San Francisco Disco while Bill Gates is spinning his nerdy tunes.   See, now I want to be sick….although, if you are friends with that particular DJ, I think I see where you got your “Infection” from Rolls Eyes

One, two, three
Shake your ass and dance with me

One, two, three

Shake your ass and dance with me
One, two, three
Shake your ass and dance with me

You know what…I don’t think I want to anymore…to be honest.

 

For the philistines amongst you that may not of heard such treasured classics…here it is, in it’s full unbridled glory.   Personally, I recommend for you to sit back and relax..let the music wash over you….maybe with a good brandy.   Enjoy

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