Now, as you can probably imagine…when I first saw the headline and the first two paragraphs I was inclined to stop reading…and possibly go for a breakfast beer. As I am sure most of you did too when you followed the link.
That said, in an effort to look like I actually researched this post thoroughly, I forced myself to read on. Aren’t you proud of me? No, oh…get on with it? Ok…
Apparently, some doctors are saying that alcohol “could” dampen the bodys response to…something or other. I mean, this shouldn’t be news to anyone, should it?. Alcohol dampens the bodys response to…well…pretty much everything else you can think of, so why not something medical too.
The problem as I see it though is one of recognition. If someone is given a load of alcohol in an effort to avoid brain injury caused by swelling….how will you know if it is working. I have seen myself on Absynth…so I can safely say that I would be relatively indistinguishable from someone suffering a brain injury.
Slurred speech – Check
Inability to focus on anything other than a cigarette – Check
Unable to answer basic questions about self – Check
Walking in straight lines impossible – Check
I question where this information really came from. Sounds to me like a bunch of Doctors got together one night on a piss up, noticed that one of their brethren was acting like a head trauma case and, stumbling into the bouncer, got them thrown out. So theybeat him over the head with a subtle, yet readily available, ashtray and noticed the next day that he didn’t in fact have a brain injury.
One of them decided it would be great to write this up and now Chavs all over the world are rejoicing with their pre-breakfast Stella and 20-20 chaser. The problem with that though is, again, how would we tell?
Also, “too little and there is no benefit, and too much and the beneficial effects are lost“, apparently this wonderful theory was proved on animals. Does this not concern anyone else? I mean, I am not exactly an animal rights activist or anything, but are they really feeding the animals various quantities of alcohol after battering them around the head to induce the type of trauma that our erstwhile (and drunken doctors) accidentally created? I mean sure, if they are using Guinnea Pigs…fair enough…after all, they are called Guinnea Pigs. Maybe they could reverse it…let all the little animals have a party, call in some hookers and have a great time…then give them a swift whack on the bonce after they fall asleep…otherwise, where’s the motivation for them to keep signing up?
Oh, and in response to Don Shenkers (Chief Exec of Alcohol Concern) statement of “The fact is, being drunk increases your chances of getting into an accident in the first place. When judgement’s impaired, we can put ourselves at risk.“:
Duuuuh, we know – it’s just that we also know that one extra beer might just save our life….
Mines an Absynth