So, I was sat in the beautiful sunshine with CW a while back, enjoying a fine After 8 Frappiato, (I promise I am most definitely heterosexual….it was hot dagnabit) and we were talking about the fact that I hadn’t had a drink for 3 months or more. On top of that, I hadn’t had a drink in at least a month or so before that….
I know, right…I will let you get settled back into your seat before continuing. Make sure you have a seatbelt securely fastened as I can tell you something else…I am not even remotely missing it.
The thing is, a couple of years ago (around the same time that I started this blog..coincidence? you decide), I was out a lot. sometimes 4 nights a week and I was, to quote the 80’s, “Partying Hearty”.
Not even Englands dire World Cup performance could reduce me to drink..let’s face it, if I was going to be driven to drink based on that, I would have been a raving alcoholic since…well…birth.
Now, let’s check the implied benefits of no alcohol. Please bear in mind that this list is gleaned from years of research (ok ok, TV, Films…and my Nan!):
- Sleeping better
- More energy
- Getting up earlier and enjoying it
- More alert
- General feeling of well being
- Weight loss
Now, let’s review what I have noticed after the last few months and see what we have:
- Sleeping worse
- Less energy
- Getting up earlier and hating it
- Less alert
- General feeling of *meh*
- Weight gain
That’s right Ladies and Gentlemen, I am in fact “Reverso-Man(tm)” and I intend to reverse the trend (hopefully) by taking up drinking again…in moderation at least.
So beware one and all..the camera of doom will no doubt start making appearances again and my Facebook inbox will once again sing to the tune of “aaargh, you bastard…take that down” and other complimentary messages regarding my photographical prowess.
Camera Related Fun:
- PM will undoubtedly get rather aggressive for me “always posting pictures of him looking like a dick”
- Women will borrow my camera to wander around the bar. It will come back to me with more bra and breast photos on it than ever happens when a guy borrows it.
- Z will take it to do some cool arty shots…I will look through them the following day, and discover a single down the trousers, crotch shot. I will never mention this to him in case it is him…or worse, someone else.
- SK will grin at me when the camera is on him. This photo will be indistinguishable from any other photo of SK that I have..and will require digital computer forensics to know when it was taken.
- I may accost random strangers for a photo, based solely on one thing that they are wearing. This may include groups of guys because one of them is wearing a baseball cap…perched on his spiky hair. I will definitely play the drunk tourist card to achieve this
- I will “photobomb” other peoples photos with a strange face (stranger than usual I mean) and probably a middle finger gesture. I will then claim that it was done for the benefit of NBs collection. The recipient will most likely not know who NB is.
- Fake poses in ridiculous positions will be pulled..with the sole intention of taking a photo of some poor soul with really really bad hair/makeup/clothing (or all three)
Dave Being Drunk Fun:
- I will get drunk enough to speak German for extended periods of time…and then swear to the deity of choice that it was an English conversation.
- I will start on the shots at some point..these will be Baby Guinness, Sprinkboks or…if CR is around…Sambuca.
- If GW is in the bar…the shots may include Absynth/Vodka mixers
- If the shots include Absynth/Vodka mixers…I will be able to provide scientists with the irrefutable answer to the missing link on the following day..simply by recording myself
- I will be surprised at how little I have spent until the bill is presented. At which point I will feel eternally grateful for my drunken state
- I think that it is a fair and reasonable assumption to think that I will try and head upstairs to my old apartment at some point
- I will, at some point, be stroked by a random woman in the bar (this happens more than it should)
- I will therefore, at some point, be required to stop CW from ripping the head off said woman
- I will find this amusing…CW, however, will not
Hopefully, my “reverso-matic nights out diet ™” will kick in shortly after this all starts and I can get back down to 26″ waist trousers and zip them closed.**
Whatever happens, I am sure there will be some good nights coming up.
Fingers crossed I can remember them
** Paraphrased from Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine…enjoy the vid below :)