…a many splendored thing apparently.
That said, and cheesy songs notwithstanding, times they have a’changed.
I have been saying this for a long time now, and I hope I don’t get any hate for it…but Men (boys, guys, geezers etc) are the new Women (girls, gals…you get the point).
“But what do you mean by that?”
Let me first add this disclaimer, I don’t see it as a negative thing in any way shape or form…really. No really. Also, there will be a modicum of generalisation…but it is simply my experience and observation.
When I were a lad….yes TV was in colour and you have to read that in a Northern English accent…When I were a lad, the female of the species were not quite so forthright as they are now. I am sure they were just as strong and knew what they wanted, they just didn’t show it as often. Jeebus I sound old..press on regardless Dave, press on…
There were certain expectations of guys to “take the lead” in a lot of areas of life. Being the provider is the obvious one, being able to have a serious career and from the perspective of single Dave….Making a move of the romantic persuasion.
So why are Men the new Women? Well, think about it. Look around. It is now a genuine, and fucking awesome btw, option for the guy to be a stay at home Dad while Mum brings home the bacon. It is normal for women to pursue, and be successful at, previously male dominated roles…the reverse is also true.
Now I am not saying it is perfect, I am not saying that there isn’t still a struggle for women to succeed, I am not suggesting that we have hit equal opportunity utopia…but it is definitely on it’s way in the right direction and I honestly believe that we will get there. Should it be a struggle? No of course not, but we come from where we do and where we are is a million times better than it used to be as recently* as when I was a kid.
Where I see the biggest change and, talking to my friends about it, other people agree..is the arena of luuurve.
No longer are women prepared to fake orgasms and tell you that you are the best lover in the history of lovers. Nope, and this is the good part, they now help you and guide you into areas and positions that make it better for both of you.
Now, as a nice guy, this makes me very happy. Let’s face it guys, we don’t really change. If we get to have sex, we will orgasm and enjoy it. This will happen just the same if it lasts 5 minutes or 5 hours. We are a simple creature with simple needs. We are definitely more aware of the needs of our partner…but at the end of the day, our needs are pretty cut and dry. So guidance, for the nice guy, guarantees that both of you have fun.
So sex has changed, for the better, but to get to that stage there is the romancing phase. This is where the biggest difference is and where I find myself floundering a bit. Back in the day, you approached and were either accepted or rejected. Simple.
Now….well….frankly I am still trying to figure it out. Women seem to want a decisive guy. Which to the logical mind of the bloke means the same thing as it used to. However, when a guy does this he is creepy, aggressive or a “player”. When he doesn’t do this he is weak. They want a nice guy who they get to know, but when they get to know them they drop them in the friendzone (even when, by their own admission, they like the guy). They want someone that is fun, but then they find they can’t take that person seriously…not fun enough and they are sullen.
I guess what I am trying to say is that women need to MAKE UP THEIR MINDS…. We men find ourselves in the unenviable position of where women were a long time ago, waiting for the girl to make a move or, at the very least, give us the clear sign that will allow us to “act like men” and make the move that they expect us(??) to make. It reduces us to the behaviour of school children, tugging on pigtails and hoping for a reaction. The role reversal transition is clearly not complete. Were it complete, the woman would simply make the move (and it does happen, occasionally) and be done with it. Unfortunately for us blokes, we seem to be in a middle ground of women having both sides of the role right now. To be honest, I am impressed that anyone is getting any these days…
Ladies, my recommendation would be to carry your personal rules/wants/dos and don’ts in the form of, say, a flyer that can be handed out to every guy that comes within 3 feet of you. This would save a lot of hassle. Especially if you make it a checklist and provide one of those little Ikea pencils. As a bloke, I can then just run through the list ticking things off and provide the signed form back. Possibly with the numbers of a few references so that you can verify that the information is correct. All being well, we can get it on.
That would work, right?
* Fuck you – I know what you are thinking.