Things that make people want to curl up and die
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids
in tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blowjob?
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the
bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror, wearing nothing but a camera!
Name With held
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking Gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
The following are the top four winners of a Most Embarrassing
Moments Contest in the New Woman Magazine :
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving right now she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
One of the funniest most embarrassing moment stories I've
come upon in along time was about a lady who picked up several items at a
discount store. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that
one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANETHIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the store apparently misunderstood the word Tampax for THUMB TACKS. In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom.
DO YOU WANTTHE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class
was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
I thought I told you to call your mom?" she screamed.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up.
Sent in by Andy Dodwell