Australian Taxation - A Guide
A MORON will send SUCKERS and RATBAGS,DAFT or NUTS~
BY now, of course, you've read all those GST information leaflets our Government has been sending out, and you have a complete understanding of how it's all going to work.
Oh, you don't?
The new system is NUTS (New Universal Taxation System)and although it may
appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand. Basically, it is STUFFT
(the Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions).
Major elements of NUTS include a number for each business entity. An Australian
Business Utilisation Number (ABUN), which will be used during dealings with
governments at all levels.
Every business will get ABUN with NUTS. The new system will simplify the
way businesses reports to the Australian Taxation Collection Head Office Organisation
(ATCHOO)
Businesses will be requited to complete a Business Activity Satatement Table
And Report Directive (BASTARD). Every month, they should set aside at least
three days every working week to fill the BASTARD out.
Under the new system, every adult Australian taxpayer is classified as a
SUCKER (Simple Underpaid Consumer Keeping Everything Running), unless they
are unemployed and recieving commonwealth benefits, in which case they are
classified as a RATBAG (Registerd Australian Taxation Beneficiary Allowance
Grantee).
All SUCKERS and RATBAGS will be required to complete a DAFT (Direct Application For Taxation) form.
The completed DAFT form will be assessed by a local MORON (metropolitan Or
Regional Outcome Negotiator) who determines the amount of CRAP (Credit Refund
Allowance Payment) the taxpayer will receive.
Any SUCKER who wishes to appeal against the amount of CRAP recieved from
the Government should contact their local MORON, who will assess the appeal
and classify it as either STUPID (Secondary Temporarily Unpaid Portion of
Individual Donation) or IDIOTIC *Income Deprived Individual Taxation Instalment
Credit). If you are a RATBAG, you will not be entitled to ABUN with NUTS.
You will need to apply for the new allowance provided jointly by both State
and Fedral governments' JOB (Joint Organisation Benefit). Any RATBAG who does
not apply for a JOB can get STUFFT.
From the start of GST on July 1, when all of Australia started to go NUTS,
small businesses need to submit a fortnightly General Allocation Rebate for
Business And Goods Estimate (GARBAGE) report to the Department for Untaxed
Merchandise and Produce (DUMP). Your GARBAGE must be sent to the DUMP before
30th of each month.
All small businesses had to be registered as Business Utlitsing Sales Tax
(BUST) by June 30.
In order to allevate any hardship during the changeover period, the Government
will establish a Department of Grants and Subsidies (DOGS).
It is anticipated that, by the end of the next financial year, all business
will be registered as BUST and the country will have gone to the DOGS.
Sent in by Stormy