Workplace Language

 

AVOID FOUL LANGUAGE!

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with other employees. Due to complaints received from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Never the less we do realize the critical importance of individuals being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with fellow employees.

Therefore, a list of code phrase replacements has been compiled so proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive co-workers.

OLD PHRASE	PREFERRED NEW PHRASE
No fucking way!	I'm certain that's not feasible
You've got to be shitting me	Really?
Tell someone who gives a fuck	Perhaps you should check with...
Ask me if I give a fuck	Of course I'm concerned
It's not my fucking problem	I wasn't involved with that project
What the fuck?	Interesting
Fuck it, it won't work	I'm not sure I can implement this
Why the fuck didn't you tell me that sooner?	I'll try to schedule that
When the fuck do you expect me to do this?	Perhaps I can work late
Who the fuck cares?	Are you sure this is a problem?
He's got his head up his ass.	He's not familiar with the problem
Eat shit!	You don't say
Eat shit and die	Excuse me?
Eat shit and die motherfucker	Excuse me Sir?
What the fuck do they want from my life?	They weren't happy with it?
Kiss my ass	So you'd like my help with it?
Fuck it, I'm on salary	I don't think you understand
Shove it up your ass	I love a "challenge".
Who the hell died and made you the boss?	You want me to take care of this.
Blow me	I see
Blow yourself	Do you see?
Another fucking meeting?	Yes, we really should discuss this
I really don't give a shit	. I don't think it will be a problem.
He's a fucking prick	He's somewhat insensitive
She's a ball-breaking bitch	She's an aggfressive go-getter
You don't know what the fuck you're doing	I think you could use more training
This place is all fucked up	We're a little disorganized

Back