The weather

T-storm warningHere we go, a perfectly British thing to talk about.   We Brits love nothing more than discussing the finer points of the weather.   This isn’t indicative of age, no longer is discussing the weather a purely old-age pastime.   As proven last Saturday night.

4 guys, all British, out drinking (a lot), subject moves onto the differences between British and German weather.   The general concensus being that Germany is like Britain…but extreme.  

This seems to be ingrained in our psychy as British people.   A lull in conversation…where that desperate need to fill the void of silence causes us Brits to go with the most basic of conversation continuation devices…the weather.

We will talk about how hot it is,  which  could be a good thing or a bad thing.   To quote Peter Kay: “I like it warm, but I don’t like it this warm”.   We will mention how cold it is, how windy, damp, humid, muggy etc etc, and when this all fails us we can revert to how hot/cold/humid/windy/damp/muggy it WAS or that it WILL BE.

We have approximately 72 different types of rain to describe, although we can never agree on which one is the worst. 19 types of snow (none of them equate to the lovely powder on European ski slopes).   Practically every ailment that afflicts the British public is attributable to the weather in some way.   If your knee is aching, it is always the cold/rainy/sunny weather that caused it.   This actually extrapolates out to some sort of injury based Met. Office.   People believe they can predict the oncoming weather based on their aches and pains.   Ignoring the bloody obvious that the black sky and thunder suggests rain is coming…no no no, it is their dodgy hip that is the real indicator.

Basically I can only surmise that, being an island nation, there isn’t much to talk about.   Particularly as our island is essentially a dreary drizzly place at the best of times.   Let’s face it, anyone who has ever visited a British beach will instinctively pack sowesters and umbrellas in the boot, hoping amongst hope that they won’t be needed, but preparing for the inevitable downpour.   Your garden is a bit dry?   This can be cured by planning a barbequeue, washing the car or hanging out 2 loads of washing on the line.

Weather is the cause of our crappy public transportation system too.   We have had trains delayed due to:

The wrong kind of snow
Slippery rain
Dew on the tracks (a morning train)
Excessive heat on the tracks
Leaves on the track (in Autumn…go figure)

I can only guess from this lot that our train tracks are made of some form of paper chocolate…although I struggle to understand what the right kind of snow would be….probably the non-slippy,  not too warm, leaf resistent kind…



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