Behind the scenes

Eddie Izzard is one of my favourite comedians and I was trying to think of a way to shoehorn in one of his best routines, so I thought it through and this routine makes you think of what else is going on that you don’t see in a movie…well, it makes me think anyway.

Some things that you probably won’t see in any of the sequels or behind the scene DVD extras:

The Matrix:

During the film, they make a big deal about what the mind experiences, the body makes real.   O….K…… with you so far.   blood out of the mouth in the Matrix – blood out of your mouth in the “real world”….I get it.   What if you were to eat a stupidly hot curry though in the matrix?   They never show it, but are those chairs they all sit in actually comodes?…and could they put them in a refrigerated area?

What about sex….you remember the woman in the red dress and that the little guy was trying to pimp her out.   That would be embarrassing for the operator back in the real world surely?   It would be very difficult to look Neo in the ejaculatory glow and all.. when he just blew a wad in your hair…


We saw him get drunk in one of the early movies when he was bad Superman for all of 5 minutes…we never saw him drunk dialling Lois…or trying to extricate himself from the ridiculous pants on the outside ensemble.   They could have had fun with an old joke though don’t you think?:

A guy is in a bar at the top of a skyscraper and gets talking to the guy next to him

Guy in bar:   You know, there are some amazing thermal currents around this building
Guy next to him:   Really?   What is so good about that?
GIB:   Well, you can actually step outside of the window, float around for a while and come back in
GNTH:   No way, that’s bullshit
GIB:   I’m serious, want me to show you?
GNTH:   This I gotta see…..go for it

So the GIB walks over to the window and steps out.   Sure enough, he just floats around for about a minutes and gently floats back into the bar.

GNTH:   Holy shit, I gotta try this

GNTH walks over to the window and steps out…..where he falls 48 floors to the ground and dies.

Barman:   Superman…you can be such a wanker when you are drunk, you know that?

I like my superheroes to have a dark side…


You never see Bruce Wayne having to stay at work late and leave Gotham to deal with the criminals itself due to an anti-trust lawsuit or some other stressful project that he has to deal with.   Or even having to call a technician to the batcave because the computers got a virus and bluescreened.

What about getting the various bat vehicles through their MOT and then insisting to the insurance company that a batcave is more secure than a garage and he should get an extra discount.   Speaking of insurance, he never stops to exchange details during the inevitable trail of crashed cars he leaves behind.

Anyone got any others?


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