More finance shenanigans

The trap

So…after a few days of excruciating pain and finally moving the pain to an amber alert I am able to type a little.   Fortunately, for a man bereft of interesting things to blog about, there was an interesting diversion today where I work.

A well dressed businessman, complete with briefcase tried to gain access to the building today and to say he seemed a little peturbed doesn’t do it justice.   I believe he was calling our beloved CEO some names that would make even the hardiest sailor blush.   He also claimed that he had one million…what I am not sure..other names to call out maybe.   Surely if he had one million, he would be rather happy.   I know I would.

Suffice to say that our ever astute security team decided that this was one meeting that the CEO would rather not take and proceeded to block said businessmans entrance.   They finally escort the gentleman from the premises, only for him to give them the slip and head back in via the revolving doors.   That was a mistake…our revolving doors are the ones that no matter how hard you push, they never really go any faster.   So within a split second, the faster of the guards decided to grab the door to stop its revolution, just at the point that the man was literally trapped.

It is at this point that our security team looked, it is fair to say, like the house cat that finally catches the mouse and doesn’t quite know what to do with it.   Furtive glances were exchanged in a sort of “Now what?” manner between the guards while another simply sighed and called the police.   Eventually, the police showed up and took him away.   I say that they missed a trick though, they could have released the latch that stops the doors moving fast and had a kind of abusive russian roulette.   Spinning him round at high speed must surely fall under “subduing”.

This guy clearly misunderstood the nature of our business…we are in banking, but we are not a bank…nor do we handle investments as such, so any loss he may have occurred simply cannot be attributed to us.   This is something I tried to explain to some guy calling on … what can only be described as … a tin can and string, from India, to ask me as Head of IT (I love it when they do that…regardless of how untrue it is) to answer a 5 minute survey on IT within Retail Banking.

Him:   Do you have 5 minutes for a survey on IT within Retail Banking?
Me:   No, but even if I did, we are not a Retail Bank
Him:   It onlytakes 5 minutes
Me:   It doesn’t matter, we are not a Retail Bank…as I have already said
Him:   It will probably take less than 5 minutes and is just asking questions about your business
Me:   Not if you think my business is Retail Banking it isn’t.
Him:   But surely you have 5 minutes?
Me:   OK, what is the survey about
Him: Retail Banking
Me:   And what have I said that my business is NOT about
Him:   It’s just 5 minutes though
Me:   *click*

I appreciate he probably had a script and I had deviated desperately from it, but still….PAY ATTENTION FUCKTARD…seriously!

In other news, how the hell is it possible to go to bed on a Thursday evening feeling absolutely fine and wake up ON MY DAY OFF in pain so bad I can’t move?   Is it some sort of karmic retribution for deciding to take a short notice Friday off?   If that is the case, surely it would punish me more to have me be completely recovered and healthy on Monday morning?!?   Not, still sitting in frickin’ agony on Wednesday evening.   Admittedly, my recover may have been speedier had I not decided to drink some of that fine German painkiller on Saturday night…forget the pain….and then dance around to cheesy old music all night…but still.

Well screw you karma, Zs girlfriend IP is a physiotherapist and she is helping fix me.   I have managed to progress to actually getting to sleep and staying asleep for a few hours before the pain hits again.   In your face karma….in your overly judgemental face!

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