Dr Tom working on my "issue"It has been an interesting couple of months in the life of the Laughing Wolf.   I have been trying to get used to being out of work, and have only recently managed to not get up at 06:30 every morning.   I have also just this past week or so, managed to not refer to any of my ex-colleagues as “xxx from work”.

I have started German lessons in earnest and have been told I am doing quite well.   In reality, my German skills are not as bad as I often tell people, what I lack is the confidence to make a mistake..which in turn makes me clam up and say nothing.   I am pleased to say that the lessons are helping me overcome this.

I have stopped going out drinking almost completely thanks to the need to be careful with my money these days, and the nice side effect of this is that I am losing some weight finally.   I have also taken to sporting a goatee in recent weeks, everyone seems to think it is ok, I am as yet undecided.   This indecision makes me “worse than a woman” according to CW, but *meh*.   Clearly I haven’t blogged in some time, mainly due to the relaxed nature of my life at the moment, nothing is really happening, so I don’t have a lot to write about.

I say relaxed, but in reality I am pretty busy most days.   I have German lessons three times a week, have been doing websites for people, learning Linux (DB0 will be loving that), sorting the apartment out, finally going to the Doctor to try and sort out my dodgy ankle, rebuilding peoples PCs, helping people move and get setup in their new place, writing Shrooms and various other activities.

I finally had a clear out of the apartment last week…well, I say “I”, but in reality CW and HAN cleared it out for me.   I got back and it was like someone had stretched the rooms.   My Dads comment was “You let two women have a clearout in your flat?   I am surprised there is anything left”….yes, he has been to my flat…but no, there is in fact some stuff still left in here.

What I really want to talk about though is assumption, assumption can really bite you in the arse if you are not careful.   I guess there is a reason that they say “To assume is to make an ass out of u and me”.

Take Monday for example.   I had been to see the Doc on Friday about my ankle problem, which has been getting progressively worse and more painful over the last couple of weeks.   I had avoided going to the Doc as, last time I went about it, he said it would need surgery if it got any worse.   On Friday, he seemed surprised that he hadn’t checked my blood for a particular acid level and immediately did so, at the same time making an appointment for me to come back in on Monday.   The Monday appointment was to see a specialist that they have a few times a week in the practise.   We will call him Dr Tom, for that is how he is referred to.

Dr Tom is a big man….actually that’s not strictly true…I am a big man, Dr Tom is a frickin’ monster.   If he were to wander around heavily wooded areas, wearing a dark furry jacket, we would have a series of Sasquatch in Frankfurt news reports.   There aren’t many guys that can make me feel like one of the Borrowers, but Dr Tom certainly can…I think you get the picture.   The impression wasn’t helped when I seemingly ignored his shouts that notified me that it was my turn.

For reasons that escape me, German people (generally) can’t help translating my last name into the German equivelant.   It’s really bizarre and happens regularly, and I am normally listening out for it.   On Monday though, I was in considerable pain and there were around 15 other people in the waiting room…so it took me 2 or 3 yells of my translated last name before I realised he wanted me.   He seemed to be a little upset about this…and upon seeing him. so was I.

From my discussions on Monday with my Doctor, I was under the impression that Dr Tom was an Orthopaedic Doctor (assumption #1), that they would have fully discussed my issue (assumption #2) and that they would have worked out the best method to fix the issue with my ankle (assumption #3).   Assumption #1 was clearly incorrect when, after asking me to stand in front of him, he proceeded to tell me that the left side of my body was “wooden” compared to the right side…and then quickly, without warning, grabbed me in some sort of Full Nelson thing until my back made a rather unpleasant noise.   That said, my back immediately felt better and I thought “This guy could actually fix me”.

He told me to lay on my stomach and lift my foot up to him…there was no discussion of the issue, so assumption #2 was (in my mind at least) confirmed.   When he had my foot in his mahoosive hands, he proceeded to perform a movement, that I can only think was designed to unscrew my foot so that he could get a better look.   He was putting some serious effort into it, and I was putting serious effort into   a) not throwing up and b) not passing out.   Dr Tom then instructs me to lay on my back and performs the same movement, with an added “thumb directly into the ankle” bonus.   I am fairly certain that the table, that I was laying next to, will require a team of highly skilled carpenters to fix.

He drops my foot and instructs me to stand up.   At this point I pretty much can’t, but am a little scared to tell him this.   I make a couple of attempts and then have to sit down and describe the pain.   He umms and aaaahs a few times before giving me a referral slip for an Orthopaedic Doctor.




When I go to the Orthopaedic Doctor, I am going to need to him to provide references, sit a written exam and preferably have his Medical School teachers confirm to me that he is, in fact, an Orthopaedic Doctor.   I may also take a bodyguard and quite possibly a gun.

Right, I am going to hobble off to my German lesson now….

2 thoughts on “

  1. Dear Dave

    I just wanna let you know:
    You can’t go wrong by simply goin’ ahead.
    By the way: Don’t you NEVER ANYONE let call you “Herr Schmidt”,
    as your name is Smith. This’d be the same as calling every
    German “Hey, Mr. Hitler”.
    It’s quite funny: Arno Schmidt says:
    “….und w?¤re sein Maul 10.000 Lichtjahre weit, ich spr?¤nge
    ihn an, den Hund….”

    And so: Kick’em till it hurts….

    With A Bear Hug


  2. lol – Thanks Stephan

    I will try to repeatedly kick people that call me that heinous name :p

    Especially if they have a mouth 10.000 light years wide….although that would mean kicking their tonsils or something….


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