The Birthday Post That Never Was

Photo by Mr Jaded
Now, I haven’t written anything in quite some time (as has been repeatedly pointed out to me) and a lot of you may be forgiven for thinking that it is sheer laziness on my part.   Under normal circumstances, you would be right…and frankly, up until quite recently, I believed this myself.

Then I discovered old age, something that I had recently been blissfully unaware of.   Now, I am not trying to say that 36 is enough to qualify for a bus pass and the right to shout at kids that aren’t yours, along with a tendency to tell stories that noone wants to hear or, even worse, have already heard before….ah shit!

You would think that I would be used to it by now, time marches steadily on and in some ways I was given advanced warning, a “preview” if you will of what it will be like for me.   I started going bald many years ago, so long ago that I forget.   Which reminds me, I have had a pretty crappy memory my whole life.   Additionally, due to repetitively eating ill advised things (such as fists), I have a number of missing teeth.

Oh, and before you ladies get all excited by my description of myself…I am already taken….sorry.

With this in mind, you would think that I would be positively welcoming old age, so I would at least have an excuse for some (if not all) of these failings.   If you do, in fact, think that…you would be wrong….very very wrong.

My 36th birthday passed with a little whimper..which was exactly how I wanted it…although it was also the leaving party for the inimitable MK and KH, and my name was put on the board at the Anglo…which was nice and got me many free drinks :D

I don’t feel 36…not that I know how 36 should feel…I still love messing around on my computer and playing the odd game…I love a few beers and a laugh and can’t resist watching Spongebob with the kids (part of me always sulks when they want to turn it over).   Is that 36?   Probably not.   I have a bad ankle, a bad back (occasionally), very little hair and too much belly…does that sound 36?   More like 50…as a certain CW keeps telling me.   Oh, and I seem to have early onset senility…now now, don’t get jealous.   If you eat all your greens and work hard at school…you can grow up just like me.

I have to say though, CW made me a fantastic birthday cake and then decided that it would be amazingly funny to actually put 36 candles on there…I genuinely thought that the bloody kitchen was on fire.   The cats thought it was bonfire night and legged it under the bed to wait out the inevitable explosion of fireworks.   Then we legged it to the bar to see in my birthday properly with SCK and a beer.   I got my flight to see Zak and Brandon paid for and a digital photo frame, which means you can actually walk around my flat without falling into photo frames now.   On top of that, the amazing friends I have chipped in with cash to allow me to spend it all on on the boys.   I even got a new router…pretty impressive birthday now that I come to think of it.

On a side note, and this could well be construed as me getting old…I feel I need to mention Facebook again.   In the past I have been guilty of using it too much and putting all sorts of asinine garbage on my status etc…but does the world really need to know that your boyfriend is amazing in bed?   I mean, are you pimping him out and want to up the possible price.   What happened to “So?   How is he?” being responded to with a knowing grin and a twinkle in your eye?   Do I need to be told that he can’t move because you tired him out?   No…I frickin’ don’t.   I am pleased for you, although you are forgetting the serious damage that you are doing to the battery industry…and now your neighbours can’t sleep because you have moved from that repetitive, sleep inducing, buzzing to screams of “Yes, yes yes”…answer the frickin’ question properly.

Oh, and stop telling unfunny jokes.

Hmm 36 and already sounding like Victor Meldrew…

I don’t belIEVE it!

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