Ain't no stoppin' us now…

white van man DSCN9143
We’re on the move…as a certain Mr L Vandross once sang.  That’s right ladles and jellyspoons, The Laughing Wolf is continuing his trend of refusing to live more than a couple of years in one place..and is moving across Frankfurt to a beautiful apartment that has just been finished.

I would love to say that I am being a grown up, getting on the property ladder and actually buying the apartment…but no, I will be renting again.  This time I will be renting with CW, and we are both very much looking forward to having you all over to dinner.  Well, not all of you and definitely not you on the left..but the rest of you…you know who you are.

My current apartment has served me well, but it was never supposed to be a long term thing and was nothing more than a bachelor pad.  A poorly decorated, but superbly located bachelor pad.  We are moving to a very quiet part of town…I am not sure how I will cope without the sounds from the pub below lulling me off to sleep.  Although I won’t miss not being able to have a quiet night in due to people shouting me from downstairs.

That all said, the White Van Man does not have to ride again, as a friend of CWs family has offered to do the move for us..which means I just have to help load and unload the van…and when you consider that I have very few actual posessions…it should be nice and easy.

I worked it out that after I moved into the current place, I owned:

3 bookcases

1 bed

1 set of bunk beds

1 computer desk

1 office chair

1 tumble dryer

1 freezer

My computer

Assorted pots/pans/crockery and cutlery

An iron and ironing board

1 ugly set of drawers

I have since added:

2 cheap wardrobes and matching cheap set of drawers

Another office chair

A giant slicer (thanks to CWs Dad)

A coffee pad machine

Fortunately, CW has plenty of stuff…so it will all work out :mrgreen:

I think that the best thing about the new apartment is that the toilet is inside…not in the main house stairwell like it is now (and by in the main stairwell I mean in it’s own room..outside the front door of the apartment…..not that we pee in the stairwell).  That and the fact that there is a bathtub and a brand spanking new kitchen that got installed a few days ago.

So there it is, cue massive underestimation of the work required and a marked increase in procrastination when I should be packing.  Oh, and the internet probably won’t get connected in time again..we shall see


Is senility contagious?

The Man Who Didn't Know About RunningI hope not, although recently I seem to have caught an accute case of it. I had a great idea for a blog post on Saturday, but between having the idea and screwing my ankle (AGAIN!!!), by the time I got home I had forgotten it.

This is happening with monotonous regularity at the moment too. I have recently taken to walking out of my living room (the real one, not the bar downstairs) and into the kitchen…only to instantly forget why I had done it.

And what is it with that nagging feeling you get, like you have forgotten soething or need to be somewhere….only to remember….JUST AFTER IT IS TOO BLOODY LATE!!!??!!! Damnit.

I would like to attribute this to something interesting like drug abuse or at least a frontal lobotomy. Unfortunately though, I can only really attribute it to age.

Dear Mind

I am only 34 years old, please stop screwing with me and allow me to remember my name, address and if I am hungry or not.

Please stop hiding my keys and forcing me to write shopping lists for anything more than 3 items.   Help me remember phone numbers like I used to, or at least to remember my own phone number for more than a couple of days.

When I login to my online banking to see my account, please don’t make me login a 2nd time 1 second after logging out, just to check what the balance actually was.

It would be nice if I could leave my apartment, with the keys in my hand, and not have to stare at my hand for a full minute before plucking up the courage to close the door.

2 years ago I didn’t even need a notebook in meetings, now I have to write the meeting room number and location ON my bloody notebook so I remember which room when I get there.   If you could sort that out I would be grateful.

And finally, I would like very much to … ummm … sod it … you get the point.

Kind regards in advance of your co-operation


I don’t know if I will get a reply or not, but it has to be worth a go.

Wolfstock…or Wolfstonbury

So, Born Wild have been playing for 90 minutes if you don’t include warm-ups. They are pretty good to be honest.

A few poor covers, but some good quality stuff too.

Thought I would send a quick update to show you the view from my living room window. It’s like having my very own VIP box to a gig…I feel all showbiz lol.

Anyhoo – Heres the vid – I Youtubed it

I should point out…this is through closed double-glazed windows too.   I didn’t have any windows open despite checking loads of times

Hmm – There could be a reason for the price…

So…I moved into a flat that is above a busy Irish pub in Frankfurt. The rent is great and to be honest the noise doesn’t bother me. In fact, since I moved in, it has been considerably quieter than I anticipated.

Tonight, however, may test this theory. The bar across the road from the flat left me a flyer in my mail yesterday…

Could be a sleepless night

You will note the “19:30 bis 22:00” statement on the bottom left of the flyer. Check out the “ab 22:00 bis 05:00” on the right. This could get loud.

Now I heard them warming up earlier and they sounded pretty good, even though they are called “Born Wild”. I am expecting a tiger prowling the stage with them….I will probably see a woman in a 80s style leopard print catsuit and a bloke with hair reminiscent of a certain Joey Tempest of Europe fame.

Also, lets be honest here…nothing good can come from a DJ called “Lord Dagor”

I am scared.

I think I need to have a few hours sleep before it starts, just to make sure I have actually had some….. I just saw this outside my window.

Coming soon, Final Countdown karaoke ;-p

This should be fun 8-O….oh, and, no I didn’t zoom the camera at ALL, that is really how close it is

German Customer Service…

Seems to be a bit of an oxymoron to me. I do not have the internet as arranged. I now have to wait an additional week to get it sorted, as the engineer that was supposed to be at my apartment between 08:00 and 16:00 did not show up.

He did however find the time to message his call center that I wasn’t in. Not that he left a “We called you were out” card. He would have actually had to be there to do that.

Deutsche Telekom. Are. Bastards.

With any luck the engineer next week will actually do his job and show up.

No internet….aaaargh

Gale Sondergard TV ShotSo right now (according to my ISP), I have until Wednesday to wait until my net gets reconnected.

Quite frankly it is killing me at the moment. No blog to bore you senseless with, no pr0n to surf for (just kidding mum)..

No updates to my (perfectly legally acquired) TV show collection. I am just glad that I pre-empted it and downloaded a number of shows in advance. It is fair to say that they are saving my sanity.

I have been left feeling a little helpless with the server too, getting hacked again and having someone setup a torent site and leech boatloads of my bandwidth was not fun. Especially as I couldn’t patch the server to fix it as….I am not on the bloody net at home.

Hackers. Are. Bastards.

It was a little fun, while I was able to watch him use his SQL Injection to create a user, then a database, then an FTP account – and have me behind him a few seconds later deleting them. Still, I would rather be in a position to fix the hole…..roll on Wednesday.

Ahh, geeks and their fun.

I have to say, it is pretty good living over a pub. Not as loud as everyone thinks and today I got to saunter down a flight of stairs to watch my beloved Liverpool put one over Blackburn. Good times.

Spoke with my ex landlord today, he was heading to see the old apartment as the witch that took it over, who told me the place looked fantastic, wrote a huge letter of how shit it was the second that I headed to the UK.

He has called me since, and conveniently, it got painted today….before he arrived…so he was unable to check if the painting that had been done already was ok or not….so I get a lovely chunk removed from my deposit. Un. Be. Lievable.

I am pretty pissed off as I was sending the returned deposit back to the UK for Sarah and the kids. They will still get money, they just will have to wait a while now.

AND she took all my booze that I left in the fridge by mistake


Hopefully will be completely back from Wednesday, where I will restart my mission to get arrested whilst taking inappropriate photos of people……..

Tired and back…sort of

sleepy raverWell, I am back home and should be back online around the 16th of this month, a little while after they originally said, but not too bad I guess. It will give me the opportunity to get my apartment in order I suppose.

I had a hell of a week, but it was very enjoyable…I got to see the kids, me and Sarah had fun, I saw my family and friends. All was good.

I did NOT enjoy the drives though :(

Let me break down my travelling, in a form of therapy it may help me understand why my body feels like Mike Tyson has done a number on me.

Tuesday 1st April/Wednesday 2nd April:

06:30 Wake up, get ready etc
07:20 Head to work
16:30 Leave work, wait 30 mins for Lesley to pick me up and go collect the van
17:00 Collect van, head to old apartment to collect last few bits
18:00 Head to new apartment to unload van and collect last bits to go to UK (Forget mirror…sorry Sarah)
18:30 Head to Angelas
19:00 Begin loading van
21:30 Finish loading van – Eat Pizza
22:30 Realise that I need postcode for delivery of Angelas stuff…Angela makes some calls
23:00 Go to bed
00:00 Woke up by Lesley on the phone who…can’t find my fridge…….it’s in a cupboard lol
02:00 Wake up, coffee and ciggy
02:30 Start the drive to Calais
09:00 Arrive at Calais, get asked if I want to get straight on the train – I do :-)
12:00 Arrive in Pagham, unload Angelas stuff
15:00 Arrive in Bournemouth
01:00 Goto bed

Total time awake: 42.5 hours (less 3ish hours sleep)

Thursday -> Sunday

Enjoy time with kids, spend time with family and friends – A few journeys to various places

Monday 7th April/Tuesday 8th April:

07:00 Wake up, have breakfast with kids
08:30 Take kids to school
09:00 Little bit of shopping with Sarah
13:00 Arrive back at Sarahs house
13:30 Build last couple of bits of furniture, setup entertainment units and connect all devices to internet
16:00 Collect kids from school
17:00 Have dinner with kids and Sarah
17:30 Say bye to kids and Sarah, wend my merry way back to Germany
21:30 Arrive at Eurotunnel
22:50 Get on train
06:30 Arrive in Frankfurt
07:00 Hand in van, pay, head home
08:30 Sleep
16:30 Wake up, potter around
20:30 Watch Liverpool batter Arsenal ;-)
00:30 Bed

Total time without sleep: 25.5 hours

Sheesh, no wonder I just almost fell asleep in a meeting :-?

It was funny on the way to the UK though, I swear that customs were going to search the van – That is of course until they opened the back door and saw just how full it was…..they quickly decided to let me through. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea to cover a 32″ Widescreen TV with an old blanket and put it on the passenger seat of the van – That took some explaining.

Also, I may or may not have forgotten to pack a case for my week away until I had been in bed 2 hours on Monday night. I may or may not have forgotten to get any British currency, and then panicked when the machine in the UK wouldn’t accept my card as it was broken.

Ah well, normal service should be resumed shortly….my apartment looks like someones garage right now, stuff just piled in there :-(

Almost there…

To quote Billy Connolly….. Jesussufferingfuck

Everytime I look around the apartment and think.. “Just another hour or so”, I discover something else that has been bloody forgotten.

Still, it would appear that I have been blessed by <INSERT DIETY OF PREFERENCE HERE>, as my friends are pretty bloody amazing.     Let’s recap my last few days:


  • Work as normal – Finish at 12:30 to visit Docs and then on to packing
  • 16:00 – Collect van (Eat ham roll)
  • 19:00 – Alan, Darryl and Michael appear – Load van with *almost* everything that is going to the UK
  • 21:00 – Van packed, we have a quick beer.
  • 22:00 – I get back into it
  • 00:00 – Go to bed


  • 06:30 – Wake up, more packing
  • 09:30 – Paul, Scott, Tim and Alan appear to move stuff to new apartment
  • 11:00 – Paul + Alan sort out dismantling of various furnitures that I didn’t have time to do
  • 15:00 – Me, Scott and Tim head to Angelas where we unload the van (for 2 days!!)
  • 17:00 – Drop off Van, I continue working
  • 18:00 – Simon lends me his car
  • 18:30 – More work, moving bits and bobs to new apartment
  • 23:00 – Make final trip of the night (including cats now) to new apartment (Eat crisps)
  • 00:00 – Bed


  • 08:00 – Wake up
  • 08:30 – Realise clocks have gone forward – It is actually 09:30
  • 08:35 09:35 –   Make coffee, phone Mel and Jamie (Eat Pringles)
  • 10:00 11:00 – Mel and Jamie arrive, we head to apartment
  • 10:20 11:20 – Begin working
  • 15:30 16:30 – Break for first half of Liverpool v Everton (Eat Pizza)
  • 16:45 17:45 – Head back and carry on – Alan arrives
  • 20:30 21:30 – Mel leaves, give Jamie lift home
  • 21:30 22:30 – Get to new apartment
  • 22:30 23:30 – Bed

And then I got up to be at work this morning :-(   – DAMN YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS

If you look back at that, thanks have to go to (in no particular order):

Alan, Scott, Tim, Mel, Jamie, Darryl, Michael, Paul and Simon

Without you guys….well, I am probably still trying to lift the first box.   I owe more beers than I can reasonably buy right now…

Things that happened :

  • I got fed up and started throwing stuff away that could have been sold (Sorry Sarah/Lesley)
  • Darry and Michael broke the lift on Friday night, fortunately it was repaired just before the washing machine move on the Saturday
  • I made a deliberate detour to bauhaus to get a new toilet seat, bought 3 other things and forgot the toilet seat
  • I arrived at Angelas to discover way more stuff of hers to be transported than I thought – I panic and start thinking about what else can be thrown away.   I then stop panicking and decide to rent another van at the end of April or May.
  • Paul, when asked to unplug my computer and keep all the cables together with their devices, puts cables and devices in separate bags.
  • External HDD2 and Scanner blow up when I inevitably plug the wrong power into each of them :cry:
  • This morning I couldn’t figure out how to get hot water out of my new apartment shower
  • Oh, and I just had a phonecall from Simon, I didn’t drop his car keys off, IDIOT

I am currently out on my feet and have more to do tonight.   Once again Jamie is coming to the rescue.

Best. Friends. Ever

Pick and choose…apparently

Had a great one yesterday at work. As I have said before, I run a Service Desk and this means that we are responsible for logging all user issues into a ticketing system.

Sometimes we fix them straight away, other times we have to pass them on to other teams. Yesterday, we transferred a ticket to the 3rd level team as there was a serious issue with a users account.

Following investigation, the ticket arrived back in our queue with this comment:

“There was a huge mistake in the creation of this account. Find out who created it and have them fix it!”

Genius…”Ooh, that looks bad, I ain’t doing it”. I wasn’t aware that was an option when you are assigned the task of fixing something. That is of course ignoring the fact that the account was created months ago…

It goes without saying that I gave the ticket back with the message “I don’t care who caused it, just get it fixed…please”, but it strikes me as interesting that this particular support member decided that he wouldn’t work on complicated things today….

I love my job sometimes.

CrashThis will probably be my last post for a while, I move apartments tomorrow and will lose my net connection for a couple of weeks. I am also taking the furniture back to Sarah (and a friend) in the UK next week*, so won’t be posting from work.

Ok, now you have stopped cheering about my inability to tarnish the name of blogging for a while….see you in a couple of weeks :-)

* Frankfurt to Calais – 7 hours, Calais to Folkestone – 40 mins, Folkestone to Chichester – 2 hours (unload some stuff), Chichester to Bournemouth – 1 hour. Spend the night in Bournemouth. Bournemouth to Nottingham – 4 hours (unload the rest). Just call me “White Van Man”

Procrastination…sounds more active than it is

So, as you may recall from my Don’t Panic post, I don’t have a lot of time to get quite a lot done. However, I am sorely lacking the kick up the arse required. Let me give you last night as an example, my planning was thus:

  1. Get home
  2. Have a bite to eat
  3. Finish main bedroom (Packing and Cleaning)
  4. Pack kitchen
  5. Go to bed around 23:00

Seems like a reasonable plan. Not massively complicated, certainly achievable…so far so good. However, what actually happened:

  1. Got home
  2. Had a bite to eat
  3. Surfed the net for a bit, checked mail, finished yesterdays blog post
  4. Installed new component onto webserver
  5. Checked and configured new component onto webserver
  6. Half packed main bedroom (No cleaning done)
  7. Added another module to new component on webserver
  8. Spent 30 minutes on the phone
  9. Went to bed around 23:00

Time has now become elastic to me and I in turn have turned into Superman.

Tonight I now need to:

  1. Pickup keys to new apartment
  2. Get home
  3. Have a bite to eat
  4. Finish main bedroom (packing and cleaning)
  5. Pack kitchen
  6. Pack cellar
  7. Pack study
  8. Go to bed sometime before I have to leave for work in the morning

Admittedly, I can get away with packing either the cellar or the study tomorrow night, but seriously, wtf brain….why are you torturing me and allowing me to become distracted. It’s revenge for various levels of destruction levelledMy Name Is Not Clark Kent! at you over the years drinking, isn’t it?

Is it too much to ask for my own brain to back me up? Apparently it is, which is why Lesley is coming over to help me pack, kick me up the arse and bail me out again.

I say again…Lesley and Angela both put me to shame last week by basically painting my apartment for me, with little or no assistance from me in the end. I blame Angela for that though, she told me I was crap at painting. The truth hurts, so I smoked, made drinks and refilled paint tubs…….. I became the wall checker (for missed a bits).

Ah well, know your limits I guess..hence the reason for Lesley coming over to help me finish packing