Getting old…

Ok…so 35 is round the corner.   i know this as I have recently referred to myself as 34 and 11 12ths.   When did this happen.   I don’t feel 35, christ I don’t feel 34.

One of the key identifiers (of which there are numerous) is that I seem to be falling apart.   I groan when I get up out of a chair and click almost as much as a…well a very clicky thing indeed.   I am also taking much much longer to recover from drinking sessions.   I am trying to convince myself that this is due to the drinking sessions lasting much longer thanks to being out in Germany, but I cannot keep fooling myself for too much longer.   Eventually I will be passing a mirror and simply laugh and point at myself in a Nelson Munce stylee.

I almost instinctively hate music that hasn’t been performed using actual instruments that require more than a skill in computer programming.   I am now officially unable to accurately guess other peoples ages and more horrifying is that when I give advice, it tends to be based on actual experience, not opinion.

Oh dear god I have the experience of age.   *sob*

I think that the worst thing is that a lot of my favourite films and TV shows are so old that I actually know people that haven’t seen them.   This has to change.   There are actually people that haven’t watched Red Dwarf, Men Behaving Badly, Drop the Dead Donkey, Father Ted and loads of the other stuff I watch.   Christ, half of them haven’t heard of the Fast Show…what is the world coming to?  

Whats worse is that I honestly feel like the shows aired a couple of years ago.   They are so familiar to me and they are still damnably funny to this day.   Red Dwarf started in 1988….20 frickin years ago. 20!!!

Thats older than some of the people I was drinking with on Saturday night.   Still, I managed to outlast most of them….admittedly I was running on fumes when I headed back up to the apartment, but still….

Fortunately I live in Germany where people stay in college until they are 84 it seems, so I have yet to suffer the ignomy of being treated by a Doctor who is younger than I am….it won’t be long now though.   As I already mentioned, my mind is going.   My body is falling apart in new and interesting ways…oh, and my mind is going.

My eldest child is almost 12 years old.   Almost a teenager….when did this happen, I don’t recall the warning letters…it most definitely did not mention this in the brochure.

I think the clue is in the terminology used to describe age:

You become 21
You turn 30
You are pushing 40
You reach 50
You make it to 60
You hit 70

After that you are on bonus time really.

Now, where did I put that Zimmer?



Nan & Grandad

I’ve been thinking about my Nan and Grandad a lot just recently. I miss them, they had such a huge impact on my life. So much in fact, that I turned down jobs abroad to make sure I stayed in the area so I could be there if they needed me.   Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss them in a sad, feeling sorry for myself kind of a way.

They were both amazing and generous people who would never turn their back on family or even friends.   And, they had a great sense of humour.

We were living in Newark and I was just about old enough to go to the park on my own….I say just about, which kind of translates to: I legged it to the park at any given opportunity.   After the panic of my disappearance, Nan started looking around for me and eventually found me at the park.   It was raining and I refused to go home with her, to the point where I sprinted to a climbing frame that was essentially a huge stepladder curved into an arch, and climbed to the highest point and proceeded to taunt her.     It was like the top left one in the pic below.

Climbing Frames

What I didn’t expect, was the turn of speed my nan was capable of displaying, and she shot up the climbing frame at a rapid rate of knots and grabbed me.   I demonstrated the kind of caring child I was by yelling “I hate you nanna” repeatedly.   This was interspersed by my nan responding with “I hate you too”, followed by a slap of my arse.   This continued all the way home, until I was grounded :(

My Grandad was known to perform amazing tricks like, stopping in the middle of a crossroads because the lights on the other side turned red as he was going.   He would laugh hysterically as we would look for a change of underwear.

I blame my nan for my current size (unlike most people who blame bone structure or water retention).   My nan was like Mrs Doyle on speed, but instead of cups of tea it was food.   I will blame her, I always have…she loved it really.   This was really down to her generosity though more than a need to feed people to bursting.   She would also order stuff that was too big, or that they wouldn’t want, just to be able to give it to members of the family.   They took this to the extreme once when I needed a washing machine.   My nan convinced grandad that they needed a new washer as it didn’t “fit” with the look of the kitchen.   A week later I had their perfect condition, 1 year old washing machine.

They had their little foibles too though, both of them would go nuts if anyone touched my grandads grandfather clock or stereo equipment.   It had to be me and only me.   Someone else tried to change the time on the clock once, got it wrong and was almost exiled from the family.   I was called immediately after they left to sort it out.   Same thing with the stereo equipment, my grandad had 2 stereos and swapped them from time to time so as to keep them from wearing out.   Quite why he couldn’t have bought one and used it until he needed to buy another one was something that always escaped me.

There are hundreds of stories of how they affected my life in a positive way, how they never stopped believing in me, eventually I even started to believe in myself, and for that I am eternally grateful.   I have still never managed to forgive myself for not being strong enough with my boss to leave work when my grandad was dying, I blamed my boss, but in reality my lack of strength resulted in my grandad passing literally as I pulled up in my car.   Something I have most definately addressed since that day, so thankyou Grandad.   I have to say though, Sarah was there when he passed and said something which I now see as a nice thing.   She said that they all heard my car and that either Sarah or my mum said “Davids here”, and my Grandad smiled and passed away right then and there.   She says that he did this because I was there to take care of everyone and be strong for him.   To start with, that just hurt me more, but over the years I have come to take some solace in that whenever I look back.

My nan passed a couple of years ago and I made sure that I was there, I called the family together when people were unsure if it was the right thing to do…basically the strength I got following my Grandads passing helped me through it.   Nan was fading in and out, but I recall a very lucid moment about a day before she finally (and peacefully) passed.   She called all the family together, like the veritable matriarch and gave every single one of us some information that she felt important, something a lot of people don’t get the time to either give or recieve so we were all grateful to that.

The information she gave me?

“Get to Germany David, don’t let anything stop you, there is nothing holding you here”

Thanks Nan and Grandad…. I love you both