Vape Nation Baby

I am currently 3 weeks in to an experiment and, I have to say, so far so good.  What is the experiment I hear you cry (well, some of you…one of you..the voice in my head…whatever).

I have joined the Vape Nation..sort of.

Now, a little disclaimer:  The possibility exists that there are quotes out there of me saying that I would never vape.  These quotes may, indeed, be true.  However, I should also point out that I also said that I had no interest in “smoking” Lychee and Custard, Almond and Lavender or any other such combination that always ends up at Watermelon (seriously, fuck watermelon in the most painful of holes).  Additionally, I had zero interest in walking around like Thomas the fucking Tank Engine and putting out enough clouds as to render me practically invisible from all satellites.

So taking all that into account and, despite my desire to switch away to something better than cigarettes and ultimately get off cigarettes altogether, it didn’t look like vaping could ever be a realistic option for me.  Then, a few months ago I was chatting with AS about it.  He started explaining the different types of Vaping and offered to research the best possible gear that would reasonably recreate the feeling of having a cigarette, without actually having one.  A little while later and I am at 3 weeks since I had my last smoke and have not felt even a little stroppy.

My weight hasn’t suddenly ballooned, I am not irritable (well, anymore than normal at least) and I genuinely enjoy the tobacco flavour that I found.  I am not going to lie, it took a few days of getting used to it, but now I am a seasoned pro (in my mind at least).  As a result of what she saw with me, LA has bought the same gear and has managed to cut back to a few cigs a day.

It works, produces roughly the equivalent vapour to what a cigarette produces in smoke, tastes OK and has some nicotine in it.  I started at 12mg, which was a mistake.  I essentially spent my first day without cigarettes high on Nicotine.

So there you have it, the next stage in my self improvement kick is well underway…fingers crossed I can stay off the smokes :)

I am off to load up on Apple Strudel and Custard with chocolate sprinkles, that sounds perfectly normal right?

2016…so, that happened

I haven’t written anything in a little while, mainly because I have been a) too busy and, more recently, b) in too much pain (more on that later).  That said, I figured I would reflect a little on 2016.  The year that, if Facebook is to be believed, was a shower of absolute shite from start to finish.

I think it would be easy for me to jump on that bandwagon as well…but I won’t.  You see, for me, 2016 was a year of contrast and change.

I can’t lie.  2016 started off looking positive.  Plans were made, lives were going to change, everything was going to be great.

Looks, however, can be deceiving.  It turns out that, instead of great things, someone had placed me under the rear end of cow.  A cow that had diarrhea of apocalyptic proportions, following a year of constipation.  In short, it was messy, and it stunk.  Enough people have heard/read enough about it and, honestly, I have talked about it enough to last me 5 lifetimes.  It’s enough to say that my post Catharsis was written in an attempt to get me over it.  It helped.

It was around this time that I had some good things start happening.  I was being pursued by a few agencies that were desperate to place me in a better job.  Friendships that I thought I had lost were there, and stronger than ever.  So, in that true style of people coming out of a long term relationship…I set myself some goals.  So began Super Diet.

Now, my friends were (rightly) cynical.  To be honest, so was I.  I didn’t want to be that typical guy who tries to change everything about his lifestyle just because he is single again.  I figured I would lose a couple of kilos, feel a bit better about myself and then go back to normal.  Yep, they were my own expectations…so it wasn’t entirely surprising when people were skeptical, especially when I was talking to them about it whilst on my 6th pint :)

So I found myself, a very short while after Catharsis was written, being far more social, being courted to jobs, losing weight and generally feeling great about life.

In May I landed a great job.  Back doing the sort of work, and at the level, that I am skilled for.  My German skills had already improved to a good level, but now I was working in an IT role again, only now totally in German.  Not something I would have expected to be doing..especially with any measure of success.

My circle of friends had widened and my social life was awesome.  I had even reconnected with some old friends that I had missed deeply.

In July I was back in the UK for my Birthday and saw all of my kids.  It was a wonderful week away and seeing my family react to the “new me” was fantastic.

The job continued to go great guns and my contract was extended.  I was given more and more responsibility and began to have a real impact on the business.

I “tinkered” with a couple of “relationships” along the way, but mainly I was just trying to have some fun and avoid being my usual self.  Which meant not falling into a long term relationship with the first woman that wants to see me more than once.  To be honest, finding a new relationship wasn’t the focus and I was both surprised and happy with that.

My 2016 had gotten off to a horrific start, but was now motoring along quite nicely thanks for asking.

And so it continued, right the way up until the beginning of December.  At the end of a fantastic night out celebrating the birthday of the one and only MK…I decided to be a hero and paid quite a heavy price.

I’ll make this the short version though :)

So, I was chewing through a very disappointing kebab (they ran out of meat, so I had some veggie thing) and I spotted a lad hassling a woman.  I don’t like seeing this sort of thing, but she was handling it and, at the end of the day, he was just being a cock.  I did keep an eye on what was happening though.  Honestly, I think it was more of an annoyance for her than anything else.  Until it wasn’t.

The guy decided that he wanted a little more than words and grabbed her.  Her demeanor instantly changed from annoyed to scared and I stepped across.  I decided to use my words, admittedly aggressively, and a friend of the guy stepped in to calm things down..”He’s just drunk, we don’t want any trouble” etc etc.  So, in my eyes, the situation was ending.  Unfortunately, that was when the original moron decided to blindside me and sucker punched me from the side where I couldn’t see him.  I was then jumped on by him and 2 of his mates, where they proceeded to kick me in the head and stamp on my leg until I blacked out.  I came around a few minutes later to see the original moron on the floor under a pile of coppers, but I couldn’t walk.

I am sitting here, writing this, in no small amount of pain and waiting for an operation that will, hopefully, happen this week.

Damage Report:

  • Medial Collateral Ligament – Torn
  • Lateral Collateral Ligament – Broken (The Doctor actually used the word Destroyed)
  • Meniscus (right side) – Torn
  • Meniscus (left side) – Torn
  • Femur – Fractured and Dented!
  • Tibia – Fractured

Additionally, and arguably worst of all, there was some serious damage to my pride (I believe the medical term would be “Fucked”).

Not bad for a night out.  That said, I am glad I stepped in and I would do the same thing again, no questions asked.

So that was my 2016.  It started off badly, was awesome in the middle and ended up badly.  I don’t tend to put expectations on this sort of thing, but I have a feeling that 2017 is going to be a good year for me personally.

Happy New Year :)

Frequently Infrequent

Concept image of a lost and confused signpost against a blue cloudy sky.

So I have been sat here for a while, thinking about what to write.  I will definitely be doing some gaming related blogging soon, once the ideas formulate in my brain head place properly.  I looked back at the times when I was blogging regularly and irregularly and saw a pattern.

Regularly – Lot’s of observations and rants, many stories about fun times in the past.
Irregularly – When I remember, normally about stuff happening now.

I think it is pretty obvious what happens to me.  When I am unhappy I am either ranting or harking back to better days…when I am happy, I don’t really have anything to rant about and as things are good, no need for nostalgia.

There we go, pretty fucking obvious when you think about it.  What I would like to do is find the happy medium.  I mean, things still annoy the living hell out of me…I just don’t fixate and get all ranty/obnoxious when I am happy.

It’s due to this that the blog is all over the shop.  No fixed abode…topics a’plenty.  Do I turn it into something else?  Game specific, news opinion etc etc?  Nah…I think the title of the blog really sums it up.  My rambles are Discombobulatory.  It’s what I am thinking about in that moment.  Which is why I have a lot of unfinished drafts and, when I go back to finish them, I can’t..I can’t actually remember the circumstances that prompted me to start that topic and then it is gone, never to be recovered.  Even when I regale you with stories of my wonderful (and not at all embarrassing) past, it has been prompted by something that happened to me that day.

Not the recipe for a world renowned blog but, there again, that was never the point of starting this.

I even tried having an app on my phone to allow me to blog whenever I think of something…but doing it on the phone is not comfortable enough so I always convince myself that I will be better off at home…by which time it is too late.

The last time I had a drought, it lasted 7 years between getting with CW and no longer being with CW.  I recently started blogging a little more often and I kind of expected it to scale up more and more…which it didn’t.  I rapidly became focused on diet, exercise and friends.  Which, surprisingly enough, placed me firmly into the happy bracket a lot quicker than I anticipated.  And thus, the blog resurrection was short lived.

I am a more determined person these days than I was in the last 7 years…arguably more than I have been in 20+ years…so I am really trying to keep this going…but the drafts keep building up.

Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t help that I can’t think of any stories that I haven’t already written on here…although I am sure there are some.  You know how it is, the mind blocks out traumatic events.  Which leads me to observations of which, because I have functioning eyes, I have many..but most of them lead to exasperation…not blog posts.

Work is, in the main, pretty good.  My social life is particularly social and my love life, while limited to hook ups at the moment, is not all that important right now.  So not a lot of topics there…although the social life might just throw up (no pun intended) a few..

I’ll just keep generating drafts until I eventually finish a couple and am able to post.  In the meantime, and almost as a throwback to my “No Post Today” post…this was a post about not posting.

Weight Loss Update

1446250367129So, it is exactly 2 calendar months since I started on this journey of weight loss.  In that time I have skipped exactly 14 days of exercise.  That sounds quite a lot, but I was actually away visiting people for 5 of those.  The others, I will freely admit, I was too tired or too busy to work the exercise into my schedule.  But, that means I have missed 14 out of 60 days of training.  Which, admittedly, is quite a lot now that I come to look at it.

I have cheated on my diet for exactly 8 meals (which includes my time away visiting, which accounts for 6 of those).  I don’t include the fact that I still go out for a drink once a week or once a fortnight.

All in all, I seem to have struck a successful balance.

As I write this I have now lost exactly 18 kilos in 60 days.  If that seems a lot, it is.  That said, I have done it the right way and I plan to keep doing it.  I said that I needed to lose 35 kilos to get down to a bizarrely low weight that I can’t imagine getting to.  I have set myself a target of 22 kilos to lose.  #1 that seems a little more realistic and #2 gets me down to the same weight I remember being at my fittest (around age 18).  If I am not happy with how I look, then I will keep going for a bit longer.  Who knows, maybe I will end up losing the full 35 kilos….I doubt it, but who knows.

I had a job interview today and put my suit on (as you do).  Without the belt, my trousers literally fell off.  With the belt, I had to bunch them up a ridiculous amount.  It’s a great feeling.  Except when I caught a glimpse of myself in a window and noticed that I looked like a kid wearing his Dads suit..I ended up apologising for looking ridiculous to the people interviewing me.  I think it went well though :D

I have dropped 2 jeans sizes and have officially run out of clothes that “used to fit me” and am now moving into the territory of having to replace everything.  My, formerly, perfect fit T-Shirts (most of which I absolutely love btw) now look like tents and that means I have found the downside to this experience.

Damn, I love those T-Shirts.

Tonight, I will have a small drinkypoo to celebrate getting under 110 kilos (109.3 to be precise) and possibly treat myself to something very bad for me…to be honest, I may have to introduce that as a standard thing…between yesterday and today, I dropped over a kilo…and that’s not healthy, despite how happy it makes me.  At this rate I should reach my target in a week or so.

Fingers crossed.


Happiness is….

A perfect weekend watching Tom & Jerry on tv and laughing...…hard to define.   If it is good friends, fun and more than a smattering of weekend alcoholic goodness…I am there.

Reconnecting with your children and, being able to enjoy them so much that, you don’t even touch a computer when they are awake…I am there

Getting on with your family in ways that you haven’t for the last 12 years or so….I am there.

Enjoying time on your own to just be…I am there.

Discovering that you have feelings for someone (even if they are unrequited)…I couldn’t possibly commit :-P

Happiness…I am there….probably

A bit of a bizarre way to start any post off, particularly with someone that claims to have dangly bits of a testicular nature but, screw it, there it is.   There are probably any number of other reasons as to why I am happy and any number of those could come crashing down at any moment.   Sure, I get maudlin from time to time, wondering what I could/should have done differently…I think everyone does but, the difference between old me and new me (by new I don’t just mean 2009…in your face resolutions…in your doomed to fail face!), I don’t let it get me down or even bother me for longer than the time it takes to dwell on it in the first place.

The thing is,   I love to just spend time doing things these days…it could be wandering aimlessly around Frankfurt…going for a beer at the pub, visiting friends, going to watch a concert, even playing sport occasionally.   My computer is now a chat/tv show machine and I like it that way.   I used to be reclusive, I used to prefer to play a computer game than get out there and do things…not anymore.   Case in point, I bought a game that a lot of my old gamer friends play.   I bought this game about 3-4 months ago and it cost me â??60.   I installed the game that very night and configured it all special for me.   I have actually played the game…well, let me see…no times at all.   For those of you keeping count that is zero, nada, zip, zilch etc..

I have just finished reading “The Yes Man” by Danny Wallace and, whilst I haven’t gone anywhere near the extremes he did, there are a lot of similarities to my last 12 months and the book.   Essentially I say yes more.   It didn’t take a bearded man on a bus to get me to do it either, just a desire to get out there.   It has lead to some great fun this last year, it has also lead to being drunk at work and hungover at work (2 different times), a number of one night stands that culminated in a stalker and lord knows what else that I didn’t already cover in my Happy New Year post.

It has been said that I spend too much time in the pub….not at all, although maybe too much money…but where else can you witness comedy gold without paying an entry fee…and get picture evidence to upload to Facebook for the world to see (when they sober up).   Incidentally…how can I be held accountable for people “Looking like an arsehole on Facebook” when they were the ones pulling the stupid poses??   Answer me that PM, answer me that!

Shite…I was doing so well too…it has been ages since I didn’t know where I was going with a post…although with this one I didn’t know where I was going from the bloody title.   At least my ability to talk bollocks hasn’t deserted me :-)

Are you happy?   If so, why?   If not….shut the fuck up and don’t ruin my buzz dude ;-)

Definitely NOT Monty Python

I can flySo I went to watch the Flying Circus last night..more specifically “The Great Flying Circus of North Korea” and I have to say…..they were superb.

It is one of those shows that you might not think about checking out, but it is amazing to watch what people at the peak of their talents can do.

It had everything, unfunny (but undoubtedly talented) clowns, gay ninjas…or at least that was our take on these guys dressed in blue.   The token big guy that is with all of the acrobatic guys and gals, but doesn’t actually do any flick flacking as he is clearly the muscle.

People flying 20 meters through the air to be caught by other people hanging fairly low from a narrow sliver of metal.

The inevitable scream of the crowd when someone falls into the huge net underneath them..   More somersaults than you can count…oh, and Nachos.

It does beg the question though, how in the hell do you realise that you can be good at something like this.   What is the mindset of people that leads them to discover that they would be pretty good at being shot through the air, 10 meters up and 20 meters along and are quite confident that they will be caught?   I don’t even trust people on that whole fall backwards into someones arms thing (I know that I think it would be funny to step aside, so why won’t other people?).

There were two moments of genius that were not contrived by the talent on stage though.   Firstly, the German audience and their synchronised clapping.   You can’t just applaud here, no no no, that would be too informal and obvious, ve all must clap at once so zey vill know ve appreciate zem…so every round of applause turned into a percussion number by the audience.   Think of the crowd at the olympics whenever a high jumper or someone wants a beat to time their run up to – then speed it up and make it last…well…the entire show.   I have only just regained feeling in my hands if I am honest.

The other moment was about photography.   At the beginning of the show, we asked a steward if we could take pictures and were told that without a flash would be ok.   Then an announcement is made that under no circumstances should flash photography take place.   This was completely adhered to for the first half of the show, no problem.   The second half of the show began with an amazing balancing act on a wire and people decided that it was so impressive that they needed photographs….all of a sudden, there are flashes going off all over the place…just as the guy is focusing on some seriously difficult balances.   How he didn’t get put off is beyond me.   I took photos, which I will add to this later, but I was very English and reserved…and TURNED THE FLASH OFF.

Still, a fantastic show that you should definitely go and see if you get the opportunity.   I may even go again it was that good.

I love Frankfurt.


My family and other animals

Wolf PackBeing the eldest of three boys is not always fun….it can be, but not always.   Especially when your brothers get to the age where your Mum starts asking you to take them with you wherever you go.

I have to say that the age gap helped, so I wasn’t forced into that too often.   That said, I love my brothers…although back then it was mainly for their usefulness.

We were living in Leicester many moons ago – I will never forget it..the Eyres Monsell area of Saffron Lane.   It wasn’t that bad really, but the local borstal was just up the road…anyhoo I digress.

I learned real quick that my brother Kev was a tough nut, always throwing himself everywhere and just getting up and laughing when most kids would be crying…actually, now I come to think of it, Zak is just like that now.   I was babysitting once, and decided to play football in the house…of course the ball ended up bouncing up onto the wall unit and breaking something (I forget what – sorry Mum), but Kevs exploits meant that it was plausible.   I escaped with a telling off for not keeping an eye on him, instead of being grounded until…well…now I suppose.

He was pretty fearless though, but this got him into trouble from time to time.   My Mum had her friend over and they were chatting and drinking wine.   After a little while, they notice that the bottle of wine has gone from the kitchen…it was open but untouched.   Kev was found drunk and a panicked Mum had to figure out ways to sober up a small child…it was made slightly worse, if I recall, by the fact that he had used a straw…

Younger siblings always tend to copy their elder siblings though, and I caught him stealing a cigarette from me once, so I forced him to chain smoke until he was physically sick.   I am actually quite proud of that as (to my knowledge) he has never smoked since.

My brothers have both always had their heads screwed on though, certainly more so than me.   They both excelled at whatever sport they turned their hand to and Paul in particular puts us all to shame with his dedication to academia.     Through it all, they have managed to be leaders, not followers and noone ever has a bad word to say about them.

Kev is married now and my nephew is 1 and Paul is engaged and about to enter into that most heinous of crimes….living in sin.

It’s strange to say, but we are a very close family…we just don’t feel the need to be in constant contact that most people seem to think being close requires.

My Mum and Dad have always been very supportive of me and my foibles….I was the one that got into all the trouble…smoking, drinking, wreaking havoc with my friends.   My Mum is incredibly forthright and will let you know if she isn’t happy with something…my Dad is a little more subtle, and he has always been the calming influence on my life I suppose.   I definitely needed it from time to time.

I remember my Dad and I walking across the base, on the way to the bowling alley.   The base was an RAF Officer training camp, so there were a lot of young kids that had rank.   We were in street clothes (civvies) as Dad wasn’t at work, and we walked past this snot nosed Officer Cadet.   My Dad casually said hello to him as we walked past (you never salute unless you are wearing the uniform yourself).   The cadet stopped and started having a go at my Dad.. “You will salute an officer and show some respect”…or something similar.   My Dad, simply leaned in and then really quietly, but with no small amount of contempt said “When in uniform, I salute your uniform and respect it and the rank it gives you, I do not however, have to respect the fucking idiot wearing it”.   Then he turned, put his arm around me and we went bowling for the night….legend.

My Mum and Dad are also responsible for my knowledge of drinking games, my sense of fun, sense of humour and my morality.

Thanks Mum and Dad

Lee Evans tried to kill me!!

A very very short time after recovering from Meningitis, we got the opportunity of two tickets to see Lee Evans, live at the Manchester Evening News Arena.   We snapped them up obviously and the day duly arrived.   I think this was around 2 weeks after getting home from the hospital, so I was still recovering, but Lee Evans is Lee Evans and I had to go :-)

Sarah drove us there, we eventually find the place and get settled.   The seats are off to the side a bit, but close enough to the stage for that not to be a problem.

Mr Evans starts his act and the laughter begins.   So hard that my headache (pre-diagnosis) comes back, along with horrendous back pain and stomach pain.   Sarah does a double take and then starts to panic, some of the people around me try to edge away as far as the cheap plastic seating will allow.   I swear at least one person started to panic dial  an ambulance.

Fortunately the interval saves me and I am able to recover.

It’s normally at this point that I refer to the subject matter as bastards…but I can’t do that.   Lee Evans is a small bundle of sweaty comic genius and it’s not his fault I couldn’t stop laughing.

Still….he did almost kill me.   Bastard.

I love the smell of napalm…

…although perhaps not the taste.

It was long ago, a simpler time when men were men and New Years Eve BBQ street parties were brought together by the contents of what looked like a dark green varnish tin, but in fact contained a purple jelly like substance known as Napalm.

The thing about Napalm, the important thing to remember about Napalm, is that it is not listed on very many outdoor cooking sites as a suitable BBQ lighter fuel.   The reasons for this should be relatively apparent….toxic sausage* anyone?

So the scene is set:

  • Grassed area usually used by kids for football, taken over for party  – Check
  • 4 giant oil drum BBQs – Check
  • 3 12×12 RAF tents to store….stuff – Check
  • Enough food to supply an estate of people with around 600 houses – Maybe not, but some people won’t come – so… Check
  • 1 x Organiser with serious shortcomings in the sense of humour area – Check
  • Oh… and booze – Lots of booze – Check

The party starts getting underway, is in full swing some might say.   I, at approximately age 14, and along with my friends, have found the backup booze stash and started “experimenting” with different concoctions in a Stein.   This does cloud my actual memory somewhat, so some of the specifics of the night escape me.   I do know that this was my first experience of a beer induced pavement pizza…

Things that may or may not have definitely possibly  happened:

  • Napalm smoked BBQ food scattered everywhere after taste #1
  • Organiser type person completely unable to put out the Napalm induced BBQs….as this is the way Napalm works – FFS**
  • 200 people decided that they would follow my Mum and Dad*** to their cellar bar for a “Proper Party”
  • “Argumentative Couple” have their weekly argument, things get broken and the Military Police show up
  • My Mum decides that the best use for Napalm flambe sausages is to plug the police cars exhaust pipe like in the movies****
  • Police car makes a decidedly unhealthy noise, some would call it a bang, I called it an explosion and the engine breaks
  • My Mum and her cohorts try to sneak back to the party unseen and fail…miserably
  • Some stupid 14 year old kid, whose name escapes me*****, walks right up to his parents and announces that he is not drunk and has not just been sick.
  • Same 14 year old kid throws up in front of parents
  • Then falls in pavement pizza
  • Parents respond by laughing uncontrollably
  • Organiser type person begins shovelling mud/grass from field into BBQ to try and quell heat/flames
  • Rest of street party attempt to squeeze into my Mum and Dads cellar bar – Most end up in my bedroom (in cellar at my request btw)
  • Topfer Strasse collective party hard and almost nothing gets destroyed in either the cellar bar or my bedroom – Result!
  • Organiser person refuses to recognise that his party died hours ago and stays resolutely at his post, seemingly cooking the field now
  • Organiser persons wife and kids are forced to stay with him whilst the rest of the estate are in our cellar
  • New Year comes and goes
  • Nobody notices
  • Last person leaves our cellar at approximately 8am

That was the night that was – I do not recommend napalm smoked sausages – But I can recommend parents like mine that managed to save an entire estates New Years Eve party….even if it did annoy organiser type person…. yey!

* Oh come on, there has to be a band called Toxic Sausage…”Please put your hands together for Toxic Sausage, and their number 1 hit single…Napalm BBQ”

** Seriously, someone from the RAF that has  access to stores of Napalm MUST have even the most basic understanding of how it works

*** Now, I know other people claim to have the coolest parents in the world  OK Seriously for example  – I just want to go on record to say that actually mine are at the top.

**** See!!!!

***** Me :-?

I am currently….

…happy – There is no other word for it right now.

Lets look at the contributing factors:

  1. Liverpool won last night, which means we* are in the Quarter Finals of the Champions League
  2. I managed to replace my fire damaged cooker extractor fan unit for â??25
  3. I have the blog bug**
  4. I have confirmed that I have an apartment to go into when I leave the one I am in
  5. Said apartment will save me shitloads of cash a month
  6. And will have Sky TV fed in by the landlord
  7. I have had 2 random phone call approaches about jobs in the last 2 weeks (ego massage anyone?)
  8. I stunned my boss into speechlessness (is that a word) with an improvement plan he never saw coming
  9. I sent my kids 2 giant Kinder Surprise easter eggs
  10. I am really enjoying my conversations with Sarah

Not bad really, especially the Sarah thing.    As you probably gathered from  my first post, I still care deeply for her.   So I am very happy that I can still make her laugh, and she is still doing the same for me.

What does that mean?   No idea, probably nothing.   But it is nice and it contributes to me being happy right now.   Of course, I have to head to work in a few minutes, so that could all change very shortly…

Just to talk about number 2 for a second (hahhah I said number 2), a few months ago I was cooking one of my favourite German junk foods, Fleischkase.   For those of you with German language skills, this literally translates to “Meat Cheese”.   If that sounds disgusting to you, you are probably a normal and well adjusted individual.   However, it tastes….well…..genius, if I am honest.

Anyway, the best way to cook “Meat Cheese” is in a frying pan with a little oil and serve with loads of pimmel  (sic) and then the junk condiment of your choice.   I prefer what is referred to here as Rot/Weiss (Ketchup/Mayo).   So there I am, heating up the pan with a little oil and the phone rings.   I answer the phone (as most of you would have done..don’t judge me), but then do I

  1. Go back into the kitchen and either turn down or at the very least monitor the hot oil in pan situation.   Or
  2. Go and sit on the sofa and have a 30 minute conversation

Tick tick tick  – We are going to have to hurry you……

For those of you that picked #1, you clearly don’t know me very well.   I opted for a well thought out sofa chat, whilst leaving an open frying pan with hot oil to catch fire.

I didn’t notice this fire until after the conversation, by which point the kitchen was entirely black.

Suffice to say, I am quite lucky to still be here and more lucky that the apartment is.

Meat Cheese flambe anyone?

* Yes I, like all men, feel the need to describe my favourite football team as if I am one of the players…or more accurately, owners
** Possibly contagious, but as yet unproven to be terminal (time and upcoming posts will tell though)